God Is Doing a New Thing

Permission to be IMperfect!

2012-01-26T06:54:00.000-08:00

Where do we get the impression that we have to be perfect?

We *can't* be -- WON'T be -- perfect this side of heaven. This is OK!

Photo Courtesy of Stock Xchng

We say we understand this, yet again and again we get discouraged (or worse!) as we try to apply ourselves to the Thin Within principles; as we try again and again to live in freedom from being controlled by food, our desire eating, and carrying more weight than we feel we should. We get discouraged because we can't seem to string together two "good" days in a row.

Let's understand though: Our longing for perfection is a desire for Heaven! That is a GOOD thing! God has placed this longing deep within us (Ecclesiastes 3:11). But it is misguided and misdirected when we think we can and should be perfect here and now. In fact, it leads us perilously close to exalting self and a posture of pride.

Let's STOP it!

This insistence for perfection will always lead to pride, self-exaltation, or conversely to self-condemnation. Neither side of this pendulum are the place where God wants us to land.

We need to extend the same grace to ourselves that Christ does. We need to allow the cross of Christ to be our focus and our stabilizer.

YES, grace teaches us to pursue godliness (Titus 2:11,12), but no where in Scripture are we told that the expectation is perfection this side of the grave.

Let's relish, instead, the joy of being a human in process.

Let's delight in Philippians 1:6 growth! That God will continue to do the work he began in us until HE completes it.

It is our job to cooperate.

If you ask people who have released weight and maintain their new healthy weight how they do it... are they "perfect" in applying the principles of eating between 0 and 5 and the other Keys to Conscious Eating, they will ALL tell you...NO, we haven't been perfect! We still have times when we overeat, or "sneak" a taste of food before we are at 0 or even complete days where we never wait to be hungry! YES! It is true! Can you imagine? :-) In fact, it isn't uncommon for "a successful person's" weight to vacillate slightly in response to these challenges. God takes us to new levels of processing things that we thought were "over and done" and in our past! He keeps us dependent on Him sometimes by showing us just how much growth there is yet ahead.

I have been in such a season and I hope to share more about that in the days ahead. But I will tell you now that, instead of beating myself up for it (we can't hate ourselves into positive change!), I try to take what Paul has said to heart:

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect,

but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.

Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.

But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,

I press on toward the goal to win the prize

for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

- Philippians 3:12-14

There are principles in this passage that apply to me in this pursuit. I don't think the goal or prize is a thin body, though...the goal or prize is a heart given TOTALLY to the Lord, where my longing for Him far surpasses my longing for brownies fresh out of the oven, or to be a size ____ and able to wear my "skinny jeans" comfortably.

Do you need to give yourself permission today to let go of "failures?" DO IT.

Press ON.
Take HOLD.
FORGET the past.
STRAIN toward what is ahead.

Let's refuse to indulge in the pity party stuff that we sometimes do when we are discouraged.

GRAB THIS MOMENT for the Lord!

Be FUTURE focused!

Invite him to sanctify you through and through...this is to be our goal, after all...not our skinny jeans. Welcome his invasion into the private spaces where you allow food to be your Comforter. Let him convince you that every single solitary babystep "Godward" you take on this journey is a wonderful offering to Him that delights his heart.

It is ok not to be perfect. He IS doing a work in you...that sounds pretty awesome to me.

Green Elephants

2012-01-22T05:02:00.000-08:00

Don't think about a green elephant.
No...no thoughts of a green elephant are allowed.

You aren't thinking of a green elephant are you?

Stop it! No green elephant thinking! No sneaking even a single green elephant thought!

Wait for it...wait for it....well??? :-)

So, honestly, have you been able NOT to think of a green elephant since starting to read this blog entry?

I didn't think so.

When we try NOT to think about something, often that is ALL we think about! So, if you tell yourself "Don't think about a green elephant," that is precisely what you are likely to think about!

And when you tell yourself NOT to think about food, that is precisely what you are likely to think about...food!

Often, people want to give up applying themselves to eating 0 to 5 (between hunger and satisfaction) because they say it makes them more food focused. Sometimes, what this really means is we are giving ourselves permission to eat whatever we want, whenever we want, in quantities that we want...making provision for the flesh instead of submitting our desires to the Lord.

When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness.

What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of?

Those things result in death!

Romans 6:20-21

So if we "give up" on 0 to 5 eating, maybe we aren't so consciously focused on food, but our lives return to becoming food-centered. We may not think about food as much, but we eat more often and in larger quantities! We plan our lives around food, which restaurants we can go to when we run errands, which movie would go best with a large platter of nachos, etc....Is that really freedom from being food-focused? Of course not!

I propose that we be intentional. If we don't want to think about green elephants, if we don't want to think about food, the best way to do that is to think about something else. I propose that we allow thoughts of the Lord and His character flood our minds. This works wonders for me and in the Thin Within classes I have taught, I have heard great responses to this exercise as well. We have to think of practical ways of filling our minds with thoughts other than food.

For me, this takes several forms. Here are things I do. You may want to try some of them:

Create a GOD LIST. This is a cumulative list of all of God's attributes that I stumble upon in my quiet times, at church, as I read, in music, hymns or in conversing with a godly friend. I have started keeping my GOD LIST on my iPad since it travels with me. This list is not only what his attributes are, but it is also a list of ways he interacts with people...the things he has done for people.
I use my GOD LIST frequently to praise God. I praise Him for these attributes. We were created for worship, so it stands to reason that the best thing I can do is what I was created to do! When I daily take time to praise God, just listing back some of the things on my list to Him in prayer and thanking him for them, my heart is flooded full. Funny thing is that I am not drawn to food as often. I can even have a "Praise Feast" like this when I *am* tempted...rather than the food and my desire for it being my focus, GOD is my focus. It really makes a difference!
Use praise and worship music playing a lot of the time. I don't know if it is just me, but when I drive, I love to worship the Lord. It is a time that I can do that. The words to the music don't just wash over my mind, but I try to soak in them, praying them back to the Lord. If my heart isn't "into it," then I make it a prayer. "Lord make me willing to surrender all to you as this song speaks about..."
I set the timer on my watch to go off throughout the day. When the beeper goes off, I take a moment to just give thanks to God for his character or the gifts that I enjoy in life.
During my most difficult times of the day, I can have a quiet time. Even if I have had one in the morning, I can have another one...just times of being still in His presence and letting him fill me up. I can do another section of my BSF lesson or the next exercises in my Thin Within lesson, or open to Ephesians 1 (or another great section of scripture) and soak in the amazing truths found there. I don't have to have *only* one quiet time each day!

Even if we are busy people with a busy work life or a stay-at-home Mom, homeschooling 4 under the age of 10, we can foster an inner attitude of worship.

Doing this is the BEST antidote for our tendency to being "food-focused." Rather than "quitting" eating 0 to 5, why not start some new habits that focus my attention on whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things (Philippians 4:8)?

Asking the Right Questions...

2012-01-20T04:26:00.000-08:00

This post was inspired by a few things...not the least of which is a post at Michael Hyatt's blog.

Photo Courtesy of Stock x.chng

I get asked a lot of questions in email, in chat, on forums, in person. They often go like this:

How much weight did you lose?
How many times a day did you get to "0" while you were losing?
How long did it take you to lose all your weight?

I rarely get asked:

How did God use this struggle to draw you closer to his heart?
Or how did your prayer life change as a result of this experience?

It is common for us to focus on the outward appearance. After all, that is what draws most people to Thin Within in the first place--we want to release extra weight.

But if our primary (or sole) focus is outward appearance we will miss the work that God is really after. As I have said before and truly believe, if Jesus had five minutes to speak face-to-face to you, I don't think he would say, "Now, about your weight..." No.

Jesus wants our hearts.

Lots of the questions we ask, assume the worst. Analyze the questions you ask and see what the underlying belief or motivator is...

Like:

Will I ever stop overeating?

...may actually assume that you *won't* stop overeating, thus assuming the worst.

So, rather than ask these questions:

When will I finally get this eating thing right?
Will I ever be free?
Will I ever be thin?

...maybe we should ask these, instead:

How is God drawing me closer to Him?
Am I learning to trust Him with my body?
How can I demonstrate my choice to love Him today?

Big difference between the questions we are prone to ask and the questions that God may want to answer for us.

What questions are you asking these days? What questions might be better ones to ask?

Yesterday...

2012-01-18T07:12:00.000-08:00

But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me.

~ Psalm 131:2

Photo Courtesy iStockPhoto.com

Yesterday is yesterday. It is gone, past. It wasn't like the day before and it is different from what today will hold. I choose to learn from it.

So, today as I rest in God's presence, I feel a conviction in my heart. I know I need to bring something to him for his cleansing. At first, I feel like it is the food--my eating. Yesterday was a day filled with a lot of emotionally draining situations. Truthfully, I didn't quiet myself with my meals...not at all. But as I evaluate, I realize that if I didn't eat within my physical boundaries, I was close to it.

But what I *do* realize is that I didn't quiet my heart. I didn't really BE STILL. I didn't follow the call of God found in Isaiah 30:15, that "in repentance and rest, is your salvation. In quietness and trust, is your strength." I tried to find strength on my own...and that is defective. No wonder I was so spent.

A lot faced me yesterday. Each one of the situations individually would have been challenging, but it was a day filled with one thing after the other...four HUGE things.

As I look back on yesterday, then, I want to allow God, invite the Spirit, to invade my thinking. To, again, change the way I think--even in retrospect.

Lord, I thank you that I find strength when I am quiet, repent, rest and trust IN YOU. I tried to navigate the emotional and situational challenges of yesterday with my own strength and it didn't work. Lord, sometimes it feels like being still and knowing you are God is a waste of time I could be using to get things done. Wow! Such arrogance. Thank you that you forgive me for that. You have said in your Word that being still provides strength. I choose your way, Lord. Today, I know I need your strength, too. Change my thinking, Lord. Transform me. Renew my mind. Being still in your presence is the most power-infusing place I can be. You will be magnified. My life is totally beyond me. I need you today. I choose to quiet my soul right now. Be Lord in me, in my life today. Here is my hand, Lord. I choose to walk with you. Thank you, Jesus, that you make it possible. Amen.

Gratitude Makes a Difference

2012-01-17T05:19:00.000-08:00

Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever.
Psalm 136:1

Photo Courtesy of istock

Yesterday's post before I went out to eat was a raw expression of what it looks like for me to do battle! I know I have to recognize lies that I believe and replace them with and affirm truth.

But as I was praying to the Lord while feeding my horses (just after posting to my blog), I realized that I was filled with thanks. I thanked God that I have the freedom to go to Fresh Choice at all (and the means). I thanked him for the taste of the Chicken Pozole--the spiciness of the jalapenos, the yummy flavor of the broth. I told him how much I appreciated the fresh french bread with such a dense texture and the whipped butter!! I told him that even though I wouldn't get to each much, I was thankful for that, too--that my body IS efficient. He has made it that way! I thanked the Lord that I could have a bit of chocolate chip muffin (exceptional fresh out of the oven). As I thanked God for the tastes and textures of what I knew I would be able to eat once I got to dinner, I realized I don't need to be greedy for more than I need. My need would be supplied by wonderful "treats." I could be thankful for that, too!

For me, gratitude makes all the difference in the world. I think I was so "full"--satisfied-- with the presence of God in my spirit that I really didn't want to overeat! I enjoyed the tastes with delight and joy and didn't feel "ripped off" like I so often do when I am no longer hungry after such a small amount of food.

YAY!

Gratitude makes a difference!

Renew My Mind, Lord

2012-01-16T16:38:00.000-08:00

My accountability partner has been teaching me the value of renewing my mind about food and eating. This is helping me tremendously to get back on track. I haven't been at peace with food and my body for a couple of years (if I *ever* was, really!).

I had a season of exercising a lot and I "justified" eating outside of my boundaries, just like I would back in the dieting days! "I have worked out long and hard! I can 'afford' to eat this!"

Recently, I wondered about returning to 1-2 hours of intense cardio each day (in addition to the tennis I play almost daily). I also wondered about getting a bathroom scale again... "Just to motivate me!" I have to be honest with you...these are thoughts--temptations for me, really--that would short-cut what I need to learn. I need to learn to think differently. When I think differently, I will act differently.

My mind has to be renewed. How I view food, it's purpose and place in my life, how I view boundaries...whether I will have them and which ones, etc...etc... All of this has to be determined, committed to.

This evening I am meeting my sister who is coming from out of town. Our meetings are typically somewhat intense as we have to make decisions and have conversations about our mother's care. Add to this fact, this morning, my husband left town, beginning a long season of travel, which changes the dynamic in our home considerably given my 19-year-old son and I struggle in our communication. Bob typically runs interference for me with Daniel. So I find myself a bit keyed up (something else I need to renew my mind about!).

Soon, my daughter and I will leave to meet my sister for dinner at a buffet--"Fresh Choice." I want to be proactive right now and plan to be very specific about what I will eat and how I will look at food given the abundance provided there coupled with the emotions I feel.

With the help of my accountability partner, I have learned how to ask myself questions and how to answer them, evaluating what I REALLY want. Affirming the TRUTH has made a huge difference for me. I am committed to doing this at least once each day regardless of if I have struggled with my eating or not. Practically, this is training me to think differently. But it *is* a slow process.

Right now, I am going to do this with the buffet and how I feel today. I thought I would give you a glimpse into this process, in case you might find it helpful. So here it is, happening in "real time!"

Lord, I am dreading what is ahead today. I am definitely dreading taking my Mom to the doctor tomorrow. In fact, I have dreaded these two days for a while. I feel so helpless. I know, Lord, that the buffet dinner tonight will offer a whole lot of options for "numbing" myself to the feelings I don't want to feel. I reject that, Lord. Instead of viewing the buffet as an opportunity to do what I want, I choose to take captive my thoughts about food and eating. My body was purchased by the precious blood of Jesus and it isn't mine to do with as I please. My body belongs to the Lord. I want to feed it only when it needs fuel and I want to feed it an appropriate amount that it needs.

Lord, I want to apply myself to following the 8 Keys to Conscious Eating, even in the middle of a restaurant with my sister and daughter present. Lord. I know I may FEEL like I *want* to eat more, but what do I really want? Lord, I want to eat in a way that is in line with 1 Corinthians 10:31...to glorify you in my eating! I choose to rejoice in eating appropriately, within God-given boundaries. I choose NOT to look to food to meet needs in my heart that can only be met through fellowship with the Lover of my Soul. Is the sacrifice really too great? Is it really too high a price to pay to lay down a second brownie or another piece of french bread? Isn't experiencing joy in my eating experience with NO regret afterward worth NOT overeating? I get to eat whatever I want within the physical boundaries of hunger and satisfaction! No diets ever again! That is a gift! Lord, I don't want to abuse that gift by stuffing more food in than I need.

Lord, I don't need very much food at this buffet. I know that even arriving really hungry (which I will definitely be as I am hungry now!), it won't take much more than a fistful-sized amount of food to satisfy me. I need to slow down and really take note of the wonderful tastes and textures and delight in how efficient my body is! Lord, thank you that I don't need much food!

Lord, another thought that is a lie that pops in at buffets is that in order to get my money's worth, I need to eat a lot of food. That is so silly! I am not paying for this meal so that I can harden my heart, stuff my face, and boast that I have a good cost-to-quantity ratio! That is ridiculous! I want to pay the full buffet price for a wonderful bowl of the chicken pozole I love (with cheese), a piece of french bread (slathered in butter) and a brownie muffin. That will probably be enough to satisfy me and it is well worth the cost since I enjoy the flavors so much and don't have a soup recipe that I love nearly as much.

Lord, I do have the emotions to contend with, but if I stuff food to numb my feelings, I will not only have to face the emotions again afterwards, but also disappointment in myself and feeling yucky physically for overeating. Lord, the benefit to eating more than I need is slight...it isn't even a benefit. It is that I get to taste the food longer. Well, duh! If I eat half as much food twice as slow, I get to taste the food just as long without overeating! It makes no sense to overeat. Lord, I trust this to you.

Thank you that THESE are the truths. The lies have NO place in my mind. I choose to take captive my thoughts and make them obedient to you. I LOVE how I feel inside when I make THIS sacrifice. When I lay down my wants for the greater joy of following you. Thank you. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Babysteps to Transformation

2012-01-13T05:02:00.000-08:00

It was I who taught Ephraim to walk,
taking them by the arms;
but they did not realize
it was I who healed them.

I led them with cords of human kindness,
with ties of love;
I lifted the yoke from their neck
and bent down to feed them.

- Hosea 11: 3,4

Photo Provided by iStockPhoto.com

So many of the women I have the pleasure of connecting with via the Thin Within ministry desperately want to do this "thing" perfectly. They want to be victorious over disordered eating and to be totally, 100% healthy physically, emotionally, and spiritually--NOW. In fact, so many of us, when we struggle for a day, a week, or longer (or less!) want to throw in the towel because we "just can't seem to do it."

Life is a marathon...not a sprint. Even babysteps in the right direction bring us to the finish line. Transformation taken one tiny step at a time is transformation nevertheless.

In 2002, I had the pleasure of participating in the creation of some of the Thin Within program material videos. If you look at those videos, it is evident that I was no where *near* a healthy weight, but God was at work within me at the time, laying groundwork for what was yet ahead. It wasn't until the end of 2006, in fact, when things began to click in a way that caused weight to come off of my body. In fact, my very first exposure to Thin Within occurred seven years before it became obvious physically.

What should I say about the years between 2002 and 2006? Or between 1999 and 2006? Were they a waste of time? Absolutely not! God was at work during that time--even when I stubbornly walked away from my partners in the ministry for a season. Even then, God was still at work, convincing me that I needed to return to this path, that I had been "ruined" for any other approach to lasting weight loss and for sanctification of my thinking relative to food, eating, and body image.

So, where are you in this process? Is God at work within you, laying a foundation upon which he will build for the rest of your life? Is He teaching you to walk one babystep at a time? Please don't minimize the fact that He IS DOING a new thing--even now! He is walking with you, holding you through the babysteps of transformation...one tiny step forward at a time. He is teaching you how to walk. Though "progress" may seem indiscernible now, it is, nevertheless, happening. You are being transformed. He will not waste one moment.

Believe him. He IS DOING it. Right now. Moving you forward toward your godly finish line.

Hello, It's Me Again...TRUTH Inventory Time

2012-01-12T16:07:00.000-08:00

I have an accountability partner who is amazing. God is so gracious in giving her to me. I don't know if she would want to be mentioned by name, so I won't just yet. But I hope to introduce you to her one day.

Image Provided by stock.xchng

Under her guidance and discipleship, really, I am learning to speak short (well, relatively! LOL!), direct statements, declaring TRUTH about my eating and living.

Today, I had an "eating occasion" that had nothing to do with 0 to 5 eating (eating between the parameters of physical hunger and satisfaction). I decided to renew my mind (in the way my partner recommends) this afternoon and these truths are the ones I want to wrap my mind around. Can you identify with any of them following an "eating occasion" that you regret?

TRUTH: This way of behaving is NOT in line with godly goals of being Christlike.

TRUTH: Eating what I want when I want doesn’t get me what I really want—which is to be more like Jesus!

TRUTH: I am CALLED to make sacrifices in love for the Lord, but also for the people to whom He has called me to minister.

TRUTH: Obeying the Lord actually delights my heart. The “deprivation” I feel at the moment is followed by a bunch of moments of a full heart, rejoicing that I gave that tempting moment to Christ.

TRUTH: I am forgiven in Christ.

TRUTH: I am a new creature in Christ.

TRUTH: I DO care.

TRUTH: I don’t have a right to this body of mine at all...it belongs to Christ. He purchased it...with his blood.

TRUTH: I need to practice what I preach.

TRUTH: There is NO condemnation toward me.

TRUTH: I must be gentle with myself remembering babysteps get me there.

TRUTH: I don’t like how I feel when I overeat and the long-term ramifications are a bummer, too.

TRUTH: Jesus is after my heart.

TRUTH: He is using my struggle with food to make me utterly dependent on Him.

TRUTH: I want to cooperate with His plan for my life.

TRUTH: I want to be faithful.

TRUTH: Waiting until I am hungry to eat is a GODLY BOUNDARY that I value.

TRUTH: Eating in a calm environment, reducing distractions—internally and externally—before I allow a bite to pass my lips and as I eat—will help me. It is a boundary worth keeping.

TRUTH: Praising God before I eat actually fills my soul and defeats "desire eating" (outside of hunger).

TRUTH: Eating while sitting helps me be more peaceful. It is a boundary I value. I believe God wants me to keep this boundary, too.

TRUTH: I am not "overspiritualizing" this since I know that 1 Corinthians 10:31 says that whether I eat or drink I can do it ALL to the glory of God. (Implying that I can also eat or drink in a way that doesn't glorify him!)

TRUTH: I want to eat only once my mind and body are relaxed, even if it means being hungry a bit longer...to be sure I am aware and calmly enjoying my food.

TRUTH: I will eat and drink things I enjoy...(that isn’t really a problem for me). I want to learn to weigh carefully what I choose and be a bit more selective. Lord, please heal me of my tendency to be a sweet-a-holic.

TRUTH: Paying attention to my food instead of also reading or watching something or surfing with my iPad when I am eating is valuable for helping me “record” the experience as an eating experience.

TRUTH: Eating slowly, savoring each bite can help me grow in gratitude toward the Lord for the amazing flavors and textures that he has invented as well as help me to eat less. I will also eat less too.

TRUTH: Stopping before I am full is a happy place to stop. I end up eating with joy and stopping with joy and continuing on with my day/evening with joy. It is worth it.

TRUTH: Adhering to these truths/boundaries is something I want to do and is extremely rewarding. What I suffer when I violate my boundaries is NOT worth the short-term “joy” I have when I violate them. The short-term sacrifices that I make to adhere to my boundaries are sooooo worth the pay-off!

So...which of these can YOU identify with? :)

How We Did It

2011-12-23T16:54:00.000-08:00

Nancy Kennedy approached me some time back about sharing my story in a book about weight loss successes. Now, the project has come to print! You will find my story about releasing 100 pounds in these pages, and you will find the stories of many others who have lost weight there as well. Perhaps something will inspire you! I recommend this book. Now is a great time to be encouraged to get and remain physically healthy. Here is a link to the book on Amazon . If you get it and read it, please let me know what you think! :-)

Cleaning the Cup

2011-12-05T04:32:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I get a most perverse enjoyment out of reading the way Jesus spoke to the Pharisees. I mean, these guys were the epitome of evil dressed in religion. In one of the most scathing rebukes leveled at these cultural and religious leaders of His day, Jesus nails them for a number of things, not the least of which was focusing on outward appearance in their "religiosity:"

Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees,

you hypocrites!

You clean the outside of the cup and dish,

but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence.

Blind Pharisee!

First clean the inside of the cup and dish,

and then the outside also will be clean.

- Matthew 23:25-26

Photo Courtesy of iStockPhoto.com

But this morning, as I was enjoying my lethargy, wallowing in my apathy--calmly enjoying my quiet "quiet time"--I got smacked upside the head with a two-by-four as I read the above passage. There was no opportunity to be smug about the way Jesus had put them in their place. Earnestly, the Holy Spirit did the same with me:

You do this, child.

Do what, Lord?

You focus your attention on the outside of "the cup"--your appearance, your outward actions.

Well, Lord, I guess that is because that is what everyone *sees*...and I care about what they think of YOU based on what they SEE me do.

Child, is it really ME you are concerned about? Or what they will think of you?

Ok, so this is where I stopped...and conviction grew...and I knew the truth. In fact, I know my over-eating and my over-fixating on outward appearance is very much connected with the concepts Jesus referred to: greed and self-indulgence. What honest person who struggles with over-eating doesn't think these two words describe it accurately?

In spite of recommending to others to focus on growing intimacy with the Lord and to get their eyes off of their size--the scale, their clothes, etc., -- I, apparently, have been focusing, too, on the "outside of the cup." Not only that, but I seem to claim that my focus is specifically for the sake of my "testimony." Jesus said, "Hogwash!"

It is time for me to renew my commitment to cleaning the inside of the cup, to invest again in the *within* part of "Thin Within," to invite the Lord to eradicate greed and self-indulgence in my life.

So the question is, what will I DO with this conviction? Where will I go with it?

If you have experienced this conviction, will you share here what God has led you to do to get your eyes off of the outside of the cup and to be more concerned with cleaning the inside of the cup?

Gear Up for the New Year!

2011-11-30T05:28:00.000-08:00

I am making plans now to lead another Thin Within group online starting in January 2012. If you are interested in gathering once a week with other people on this journey, please consider joining us!

You will need a workbook, available by calling Thin Within at 877-729-8932 and letting Joe or Pam (or whoever answers the phone) that you would like the Rebuilding God's Temple workbook kit #1. That is the best way to start if you have never been through Thin Within before. In fact, grab a few friends and do the study with them *and* meet with us in chat on Wednesdays. I may do that very thing myself! :-)

If you *have* been through Thin Within before, you are welcome to use any of the workbooks. There are four of them and the themes in all the workbooks are the same so we can be in the same group together. All of us will have HOPE as our theme for week 1 and all of us will have BOUNDARIES as our theme for week 9, etc.

For more information about the workbook, here is an "infomercial!: :-)

Additionally, here is a link to a blog post where I describe workbook kit #1.

For this particular class, I will be using workbook #3 myself. Again, if you have never gone through the material before, please use the kit #1. :-)

We will be meeting weekly on Wednesdays from 4:30-5:30 Pacific Time, 6:30 Central, and 7:30 Eastern. Our first meeting will be January 4th. You don't need to have anything ready for that class meeting. Just come at class time to http://www.thinwithin.org/chat.php .

The study lasts 12 weeks.

If Wednesdays don't work for you, it is possible we will be offering classes at other times. Check at the Thin Within website.

Hope you will join us! Be sure to order your workbook kits! :-)

Making it Through The Holidays - Repost from 2007

2011-11-28T05:00:00.000-08:00

This is a repost from December 2007:

Early November 2006 I began applying myself faithfully to the Thin Within principles. I released about 15 pounds by the end of the year even though "statistics indicate" that most Americans gain about 8 pounds (on the average) between Halloween and the New Year.

So I thought I would share some tips that I learned then and have been applying this year, too. I guess by about the end of September, the grand total that the Lord had removed from my body was about 100 pounds and it is staying off! Yay! Praising the Lord for that! (It is wonderful to know that little mistakes don't have to spell absolute disaster!)

Pride goes before a fall, though, so it is with a humble heart (please make it so, Lord!) that I share these thoughts.

1. Figure out why you are going to a social occasion like a party or family gathering. (See chapter 25 in Thin Within.)

- Write down your purposes in attending and plan accordingly. Most of us, once we have decided to surrender this area of our lives, don't go to parties intending to overeat. So ask yourself if it is because you want to connect with family, friends and co-workers, it is easier to accept that food isn't required for that.

- Then, when you get to the event, achieve your goal! Socialize or network or whatever it might be!

2. When planning to attend a social event that includes food, plan to be at a zero (stomach totally empty) by eating a smaller meal earlier in the day.

- It may be unreasonable for you not to eat at some events--like sit-down holiday dinners and the like. If your event is at 7pm, for instance, and you get hungry at 5:30 pm--you are definitely at a 0 at 5:30pm--then have just a few crackers or a cup of milk or something that will just remove the hunger. You don't need to eat to a 5. This way, you will be more likely to arrive at your holiday dinner at a 0 and ready to eat.

- You can also "ride the 0" a little while unless you know yourself well enough to know that you will have a hard time eating slowly if you get "too hungry." When we eat too fast, it is easy to eat way too much.

3.) When you are eating 0 to 5 at a holiday party and there are TONS of choices from which to choose, you can look at all that is offered and evaluate before you choose the foods you will eat which choices are most likely to be "teasers," "pleasers," and "whole body pleasers" (see chapter 18 in Thin Within). You want to be "picky" about what and how much of each "pleaser" or "whole body pleaser" food you select.

- Identify which foods offered are teasers and don't even "go there."

- If something is available all year long (like fresh french bread) you may want to forego selecting it in favor of something that is a favorite at holiday time (chocolate peppermint pie? LOL!).

4. ) Look around the party or dinner for a naturally thin eater and note their behaviors. See if you can spot someone who is naturally thin, but who is enjoying the party without overindulging. (This may be tough as most Americans use holidays as an excuse to eat way more than we need...thus the "average" American gaining 8 pounds in two month's time.)

5.) Sometimes people give gifts of food. It is true that some people love on others by giving food any time of the year--all the more during the holidays! In Thin Within, there is nothing wrong with having a small piece of whatever food that you receive, of course. If you know that you can withstand temptation to overeat it, feel free to have it in your home, of course! But if you know that you can't handle the temptation, then here are some suggestions:

- When someone wants to send you home with a bunch of treats :-) either politely tell them "No, thank you," or oblige and state (or not) that you will be glad to share the treats with others...then re-gift them as soon as possible before temptations lures you into eating them.

- I found that friendships didn't end and family members didn't disown me if I refused food from them. Maybe your friends and family are different...but really, when you consider where "people pleasing" has gotten most of us, it is like a death sentence. Most people who love us well enough to give us food gifts are aware of our struggle. Depending on the person, I have admitted my weakness as I explain why I have to turn down their kind offer.

- When you end up with treats anyhow...THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH FLUSHING THEM DOWN THE TOILET THE MINUTE YOU WALK THROUGH THE DOOR! If you are like me and sometimes need "permission" to do something so drastic, consider this a blanket permission... "Flush the cookies, cakes, pies, candy, whatevers...down the toilet!"

6.) Put the fork down between bites when you are eating out or at a holiday party. This helps slow me down quite a bit any time...not just for holiday parties.

7.) Maybe most importantly, EXTEND GRACE to yourself. If you "blow it" for a party or a meal or even for a day or a week...just OBSERVE and CORRECT! This isn't a diet, so you don't have to feel like you "blew it!" Instead, you just had a step or two back on your path...but forge ahead "forgetting what is behind!" Remember this is a journey...a life long journey! God extends grace to you in all things, so extend some to yourself!

What about you? Do you have strategies that have helped you make it through the holidays?

We Have His Power--He Gets the Glory!

2011-11-25T06:44:00.000-08:00

To him who is able to do immeasurably more

than all we ask or imagine,

according to his power that is at work within us,

to him be the glory.

- Ephesians 3:20-21

What do I expect of my God? To merely "put up" with me (if that)? Do I think he rolls his eyes when I ask him--again--about helping me with something that I struggle with?

This God, this King--he is ABLE. Not just ABLE, but able to do immeasurably more than all I ask or even imagine! I can imagine a lot--if I dare. God challenges me in this passage to dare to dream big and dare to look to Him for what He has in mind--which is bigger still.

Image provided by NASA

How will he accomplish these amazing things? According to HIS power. HIS power spoke the galaxies into existence. HIS power blew the grave open when Jesus conquered death. HIS power will throw Satan into the Lake of Fire forever. Are you kidding me? :-) HIS power can do ANYthing!

And get this! His power is at work within us. This isn't some theoretical "out there" power. This isn't some "new agey think-it-and-it-will-happen" power. This is God's power that is at work within us--with ME--within YOU.

But one caveat...that last little phrase at the end of this passage is vital... God gets the glory. If I desire His power in my life to help me lose weight (or to do anything) so that I can "win friends and influence people," if I want to impress the people at the class reunion or cause the ladies at church to ooooh and aaaah, if I in any way want glory, then I pit myself against the Lord. He uses His power in my life for His glory.

How can I let myself be defamed?
I will not yield my glory to another.

Isaiah 48:11

I was created to proclaim His glory!

Even everyone who is called by My name,

whom I have created for My glory,

whom I have formed, whom I have made.

- Isaiah 43:7

It amazes me that God can and will do immeasurably more than anything I could ask or imagine and that he does it according to His power that, for some baffling reason, he has placed in me...He is amazing, good, kind. It is my job to be sure to point all the recognition, all the fame, all the glory to Him! Sounds like a great deal to me!

Thanks Giving: A Sacrifice of Praise

2011-11-24T10:56:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanks Giving. This is a day that is so uniquely named. Just the name of it makes us pause to think about a Great Benefactor, to Whom we give thanks on this day.

When the hoped for job comes through, when there is an unexpected check in the mail, when the wayward child returns home, when the test results come back "negative" or "benign," we eagerly thank God for His goodness.

But He is good no matter what circumstances we face. Even when the job falls through or is given to another, even when there is more month than money, when rebellion strikes our home like a tidal wave, when the doctor begins his sentence with "I'm sorry, but..." God is STILL good. He is STILL on the throne. We live in a Genesis 3 world. It is fallen. Suffering will happen. God is still good.

Photo provided by iStockPhoto

It is at times like this when this passage takes on a particularly challenging meaning:

And so Jesus also suffered outside the city gate

to make the people holy through his own blood.

Let us, then, go to him outside the camp,

bearing the disgrace he bore.

For here we do not have an enduring city,

but we are looking for the city that is to come.

Through Jesus, therefore,

let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—

the fruit of lips that confess his name.

- Hebrews 13:12-15

Thanks Giving is crying out with Job no matter what circumstances, "Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him." This doesn't come "naturally." In fact, it is counter-intuitive. But in this giving, in this sacrifice out of desperation, I find myself connected with my God in a way that takes me by surprise. In the midst of the suffering, the grief, the sadness, there is a mysterious joy when I offer the sacrifice of praise.

Lately, I am asking God to cause me not just to endure my crosses in life, but to embrace them as needful tools in the hand of a good, loving, perfect God. Those very things that I rue, are the very instruments through which God is growing me to be more like my Savior--the reason I am on this planet.

As I choose to Give Thanks, I am in a place of humility. In this place of humility, I see God as He is and me as I am. I see all the many good gifts and even the suffering he allows in my life as blessings. This puts me at peace. Surrendering to His good authority. In this place, I don't grab for more than He has apportioned me. More stuff, more food, more love, more recognition...I don't insist on having more than my share, more than He has determined that I need.

What challenges is God assigning to you that you might offer a sacrifice of praise? Will you choose to do so today?

Authentic Processing

2011-11-23T07:40:00.000-08:00

I have been so quiet on the blog over the past 18 months (relative to my multiple posting weekly previously) I think because...well...I want to have my "act" together to share something with visitors here. That has been an influence keeping me from writing since I DON'T have my "act together!" Ha! I bet you are surprised to hear that!

Also, I think at some level I feel that pressure all the more because I enjoy occasionally having a writing and speaking ministry. What would happen if people who might consider inviting me to come and speak saw me as I...gasp!...really AM? Oh no! LOL! I am convinced that if you saw the REAL me, you would definitely NOT like what you see, so we can't let that happen can we?

Photo Courtesy of Stock.xchng

Additionally, for me, blogging has always been very earthy. It is what I do from my gut, many times on the fly. Since I have done some writing for publication in the past and may in the future, I feel this sense that my blog has to reflect my "good" writing. Well, if I am going to use this blog for the very thing I started blogging for--for authentic processing--that may have to happen when I don't have time to be sure my writing is "good." Especially given that it takes a LOT of time for *my* writing to get anything close to "good." So if you are a potential agent or editor...my apologies. I have to get back to what is most important to me...authentic processing and ministry from that place in the hopes that God will redeem the gunk in my life to encourage other sojourners. That is more important than appearances, a book deal, or what people think of me. God is at work in his people. I SO want people to know that and rest in it!

So when you put all of these factors together, I have chosen not to blog as much.

Today, I am returning to blogging from my gut. I am setting aside my need, insistence, hope (?), that I need to blog only when all is right and my writing's good :-). In the past--when those things weren't even on my radar screen--there seemed to be a ministry going on here. Not just me to visitors, but even visitors to one another. I hope for that again. And definitely from the visitors TO me, too!

So starting now, I am going to be real--again. God has allowed the experiences of the past 18 months to blow the lid off the charmed existence I had previously enjoyed. I know my trials are NOTHING compared to what many of you face, but for me--a colossal wimp--these have rocked my world:

My husband--even the easy going, easy-to-get-along-with, rock of a man had a major depression hit him in June of 2011. Although the worst is now behind us (it seems), the affect of the year with depression is still strongly felt. I could stop right here...Truthfully, this has been all it took to knock my legs out from under me.

But, additionally, my "special needs" 19 year old son has dug in his heels and quit school -- we are struggling with what "tough love" needs to look like right now (and have for the past three months).

My Mom's mental health has deteriorated dramatically...just in the past two months.

Saturday I am having to have one of my horse's put down.

You know what? I believe in the power of praising God through these things. Not as some form of denial, but as an authentic response. In desperation, I cry out to God. I am totally desperate for him. I can't NOT praise Him. I will choose to fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of my faith. What is seen is temporary and what is UNseen is eternal!

Something happens when I allow my eyes to focus on my circumstances or even the loving people in my life--food seems to be where I go. Yes, even after all this time! I would have thought that this wouldn't be the case after five years of applying the Thin Within principles relatively "faithfully." But nope. There is yet a need for my healing. Wow...fancy that. I STILL need a Savior! :-)

How about for you? Do you have circumstances that are challenging you to fix your eyes on Jesus?

Enough

2011-11-04T06:33:00.000-07:00

When we feel like we can't do this thing, when we think we won't manage life today...Good! We aren't supposed to be able to do it all in our own strength. We are *supposed* to need Him. When we feel like we can't manage the "self-discipline" to do what we need to relative to food, eating, an active lifestyle and honoring God with our eating and drinking...GOOD! We are *supposed* to be utterly dependent on Him in the moment.

Let's do what Max Lucado encourages us to do and turn setbacks into opportunities. If you binged last night, flip it on its lid. Instead of condemning yourself, view it as an opportunity now to grow in dependence on your Savior and Lord. Let's do this together. THIS is what the Lord is after! Not independent perfection (which we can never attain...), but DEPENDENT need of Him and reliance upon His Spirit.

Practicality of the Eternal Perspective

2011-10-26T07:16:00.000-07:00

²⁶ “There is no one like the God of Jeshurun,
   who rides on the heavens to help you
   and on the clouds in his majesty.
²⁷ The eternal God is your refuge,
   and underneath are the everlasting arms.
He will drive out your enemy before you,
   saying, ‘Destroy him!’

Deuteronomy 33:26-27

God is so sweet to time and again, bring me back to the very things that tether my heart to his. I am being reminded this week of His character.

He rides on the heavens to help me and on the clouds of His majesty. (Isn't that cool?)

He is eternal.

He is my refuge.

Underneath me are HIS everlasting arms.

He drives out the enemy before me.

¹ Lord, you have been our dwelling place
   throughout all generations.
² Before the mountains were born
   or you brought forth the earth and the world,
   from everlasting to everlasting you are God.

Psalm 90:1-2

He is my dwelling place--my refuge. I don't need to try to find solace in a human (I am so needy that no human can meet that deep need that only God can meet) or a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream ;-) (that definitely doesn't work).

The truth is, at the heart of my struggle with maintaining an eternal perspective is, I think, I lack of trust in God. I hate to admit that, but if I truly trusted him, I wouldn't attempt to "wrest" control of my life circumstances from Him again and again. So, being reminded of His character soothes my restless, rebellious, tendencies, but--more--gives me motivation to quit striving with God. Get my mind, feet, hands up out of the temporal and to trust this One who is eternal, powerful, GOOD, loving, gracious, compassionate...

With such a God as this, why wouldn't I want to have HIS perspective on life? Why wouldn't I want to trust Him with what He is doing. It is so odd that I trust Him for my eternal destination and security, but not in the day-to-day of life?

Note: If you want to participate in an amazing study, A Heart To See Forever by Catherine Martin, please visit this link. Catherine has audios, videos, blog, and a community for people involved in the study online. I have enjoyed Catherine's material in the past and this book is already among my favorites!

Embrace an ETERNAL Perspective

2011-10-20T09:35:00.000-07:00

I am delighted to be involved in a study by Catherine Martin called A Heart To See Forever. God brought this study in my life RIGHT WHEN I NEEDED IT MOST! Even though I have written and spoken on this very thing, I had wandered far from it.

If you are interested in joining Catherine and her community in studying this material, visit her website at http://www.quiettime.org. I am so glad that I have done that.

The eternal perspective affects my NOW. It totally relates to those of us who are struggling with "food issues" in our lives. I had some time this morning before hubby and I check out of our hotel to "wax eloquent" about this, so I recorded a video. I hope that if you listen in, it encourages you. (It isn't pretty, but the truths are powerful! LOL!)

Three Phases of Thin Within - An Overview

2011-10-13T06:32:00.000-07:00

"Everything is permissible for me”

—but not everything is beneficial.

“Everything is permissible for me”

—but I will not be mastered by anything.

- 1 Corinthians 6:12

Thin Within has three "phases." For some people, these phases are, indeed, a progression. For others, it is more like layers of an onion...they get to a certain "phase" to discover God peels away the onion and they step back and discover a new level to an earlier phase. I will just describe them in a linear fashion though, for simplicity.

First phase is the Freedom Phase. "All things are permissible." This phase blows the lid off the dieting box! God did not design us to fixate on a number of calories of fat grams per day and to eat without regard for our bodies' signals. Instead, he designed us to eat in response to the signals of our bodies--the signals that indicate our bodies are physically in need of nourishment and physically no longer in need of nourishment--satisfaction.

When we respond to our bodies in this way, any food is permissible. All the "can't haves" and "do nots" of the dieting world fall away and no longer make us feel condemned! Freedom! No need to worry about fat grams or calorie content.

Truthfully, many people LOVE this phase and go a bit bonkers with it. Foods that have been "off limits" for years are suddenly "legalized!" When eating 0 to 5, a person can still eat hot fudge sundaes, pizza, full fat salad dressings and still release weight. It is true!

Most importantly, though, the freedom phase is a time of building building building a foundation of my relationship with the Lord. He teaches me to lean on him more and more--especially as I discover that waiting for hunger is REALLY HARD! I have so many reasons I want to turn to food that now I suddenly see myself as being...well...a bit messed up! LOL! Remove my coping mechanism (overeating) and now I have to deal with my heart...God is there to show me He can be relied upon to help with this process of course.

So phase 1 includes learning how reliable He is to help me wait for physical hunger, to heal my heart that has issues that surface and that he can also help me to know when to stop eating. Phase 1 participants are not considering so much the nutrition or benefit to eating one food or another. They are developing that confidence that their bodies are reliable and that God is sufficient for meeting all their needs.

Phase 2 - Discernment Phase is based on the next part of the verse...Since all things are permissible, but NOT all things are beneficial, this implies I need to exercise discernment.

In phase 1, I developed my relationship with the Lord, now I begin to evaluate prayerfully ...how does He want me to nourish my body? What foods really work best for me? As I ask, He shows! I begin to see that I have a responsibility and this is an awesome privilege! This is when I begin to scrutinize my choices. Thin Within calls the categories I may place foods in Teasers, Pleasers, Whole Body Pleasers, Total Rejects. This is explained in the book in detail.

I still don't worry about nutrition labels, but some phase 2 folks have the freedom to be able to read labels and use what they know to ask God for wisdom in feeding their bodies. More importantly than food labels, however, I begin to notice how various foods cause my body to react or feel. I still eat only when hungry and stop when satisfied physically. But I begin to see that my body is amazingly efficient! It gets by with so much less food than I ever thought possible, so I begin to want to fuel it with high octane fuel! Like a high performance race car, I begin to see that different fuels will cause performance to vary! With so little food needed, I really begin to make what I put in my body count. I do this with joy and without a sense of deprivation because the foundation established in Phase 1 is still in place. I am free. All things are permissible! I delight to do God's will and what that looks like for one person will be VERY different than what it looks like for another.

People in this phase may continue to carve out a little space for what have been their favorite foods or "treats" in the past--typically not as much as in phase 1, maybe...like in Phase 1 we may have had a hot fudge sundae for dinner, typically by phase 2 we aren't doing that so much any more as we have noticed we don't feel as energized when we do that. (Just as an example.)

Instead, in phase 2, we may reserve some "space" in our stomachs (within 0 to 5 eating) for a small taste of whatever it is we have always loved so much. We continue to delight in our freedom, but we begin to see that freedom means not just free TO eat, but free from having to have whatever it is we used to live for and lust after! Having a smaller amount at the end of a satisfying meal does as much for us as having the entire thing for dinner did in phase 1.

One other thing about the Discernment Phase...phase 2...is we also begin to scrutinize our choices regarding activity or a sedentary lifestyle. We begin to see that this body, God's chosen dwelling place on earth, can operate best when it is given some activity. In phase 1 we have delighted in the *fact* that we don't *need* exercise to lose weight (not if we eat between 0 and 5!!!), but we nevertheless realize that we are free to exercise in a godly way...that this is something that honors the Lord when we do it for His glory instead of our own like many of us have in our dieting/exercising pasts. There are so many thin people who aren't fit...and we realize in phase 2 (if not sooner...LOL!) that we don't just want to release extra weight, but we want our bodies to be fit temples as well. We want to be able to go up stairs and not be winded. We want to be able to run and play with our kids, go to the snow, go swimming and splash around...go horseback riding...and not feel like our bodies are going through the ringer! We want to be healthy, vibrant and truly as alive as possible for all the days God ordains for us to be on this earth! That all happens as we worship God through moving our bodies! Be it through dancing to praise music, walking the dog, getting silly with the kids, or our every day chores done with a bit more spring in our step...and some, of course, can even do a regimented workout schedule without becoming obsessed. Some can do it with a worshipful submissive heart! (I hope to some day...I am not free in that way yet...)

Phase 3 - The Mastery Phase - is based on the last part of 1 Corinthians 6:12 "I will not be mastered by anything." Can I say no to hot fudge sundaes? Sure, they are permissible. And I can choose to have some if I wish...but do I have to have ice cream? (Or whatever it might be for any particular person?)

The person in the Mastery Phase might discover that the brownies the kids made last week got buried beneath mail on the kitchen counter and never got eaten, even though previously she LIVED for brownies! (Can you tell chocolate has been my big thrill in life? LOL!) While the pan of brownies was in the house, it never has the pull the way they did before. Sure, they are "permissible" and sure she can have some...but it just doesn't matter any more...she doesn't have to have brownies or any dessert at all! Or she can slide the chips and salsa away at the mexican restaurant without having any because she would rather enjoy the entree! She is no longer mastered by anything but the Lord Jesus as a general rule of life. (Obviously, no one is completely sinless until the Lord takes us home to be with Him...this is a progression!)

I don't know if this makes sense...and really, these phases are dynamic, not static. You don't just "arrive" at Mastery and stay there forever *necessarily*. Maybe some people do eventually. But I have found that some of us may always have a "thorn in our flesh" that causes us to keep needing the Lord to help us through...our desire for food may be what God uses to keep us clinging to Him the rest of our lives...but what a wonderful thing it is for something that once caused so much pain in my life (my overeating) to be used of God to call me to himself again and again...Praise Him for redeeming that which the enemy intended for my constant harm all my days!

MY Performance? Or Christ's?

2011-10-05T07:42:00.000-07:00

Martin Luther said:

Now, we are sure that Christ pleases God, that he is holy and so on. Inasmuch, then, as Christ pleases God and we are in him, we also please God and are holy.

Although sin still remains in us, and although we daily fall and offend, grace is more abundant and stronger than sin. The mercy and truth of the Lord reign over us forever. Therefore, sin cannot make us afraid or make us doubt God’s mercy in us. For Christ, that most mighty giant, has abolished the law, condemned sin, and vanquished death and all evils.

So long as he is at the right hand of God making intercession for us, we cannot doubt God’s grace and favor toward us.

Isn't this beautiful? And none of it has a bit to do with my performance--how "good" I am, how well I do the "church girl" gig. It is all about Christ's "performance" on the cross and God's kindness in attributing to me (because he wants to) all of Christ's righteousness. A great exchange--my "junk" for His beauty!

No matter what I do, how much I mess up, over-schedule, over-stress, under-achieve...God looks upon me with pleasure. Wow.

If I really believed this, I wonder how it might impact me?

Join us for an ONLINE Study!

2011-09-11T14:54:00.000-07:00

If you have ever wanted to join a Thin Within group, but can't find a live one in your area, please consider joining us for our study. Whether you are brand new to Thin Within or have experience with the program, this new group will offer something for you!

I will be leading the members through a 12-week course using the Rebuilding God's Temple workbook series. If you have never gone through workbook #1, you can join us using that workbook. If you have gone through that material before, you can use workbook #2. You can also join us using workbook #3 or #4 if you are a veteran who has been through the other workbooks!

The lessons in each of the workbooks follow the same set of themes at the same time. So, whether you are in WB #1 or #2, or #3, or #4, we will all focus on "Hope" for our lesson 1 and "Grace" for lesson 4, and "Boundaries" for lesson 9 (for example). All the workbooks have the same themes in the same order, but present the material a little differently so even veterans won't get bored!

We will be meeting in a chat room hosted by Thin Within on Wednesday afternoons/evenings, 4:30-5:30 Pacific Time, 6:30-7:30 Central Time, and 7:30-8:30 Eastern time beginning THIS Wednesday, September 14th with an "Introductory" meeting. You need not have any lesson completed to attend and you can come just to ask questions if you like!

Our first meeting on September 14th will offer an opportunity for a Q and A. After September 14th, we will individually begin Lesson #1, which we will complete prior to our discussion together in our chat on September 21st.

If you want to order a workbook, please call Thin Within at 877-729-8932 between 9am and 5pm Eastern time and let them know which workbook you want. If you haven't been through the material before, I highly recommend workbook #1 which comes with the temple toolkit. The materials for workbook #1 cost $45. If you have been through the material before, feel free to get one of the others--the cost for the other workbooks, I believe is $25.

Each week, you will have assignments to complete (daily attention to the material is ideal) and on Wednesday, we will meet together to discuss the themes of the material, to share joys, and challenges as we surrender our eating and our hearts to the Lord!

The location of our chat is http://www.thinwithin.org/chat . Once you get to the chat module, you will just type in a screen name you want (anything is fine, but first names are preferable). NOTHING ELSE IS NEEDED...do not "tick" a box or a radio button! Then click on LOGIN. Once there, double-click on "Community Room" in the upper right side of the window. That should be all there is to it!

Come this Wednesday and check us out! There is no cost to be in this class and you don't even need to register. :-) I am Heidi Bylsma and I have worked with Arthur and Judy Halliday for about ten years, putting their terrific ideas into written form. I have also lost 100 pounds and a boat load of spiritual baggage using this approach. If you want to be on my email list to receive transcripts, announcements, and other supplemental materials for this class, be sure you email me at twheidi at comcast dot net and let me know you want to be included.

This is a GREAT time of year to be connected with a class of folks. As the holidays approach, you CAN get through the holidays without the typical 8 pounds of weight gained! You can enjoy all the holiday foods that seem to come around only once a year, but do so in moderation and in a way that honors the Lord with your body and your eating! HONEST! Come join our class to discover how! :-)

Below is a video from LAST summer that describes the workbook kit #1. If you haven't ever done Thin Within before, you will want to get a copy of this workbook. Our study will be open to people using any of the Thin Within workbooks, so no worries if you are ready to move on to #2, 3, or 4. We would love to have you! (I will be using #2 myself!).

 I hope to see 

I hope to see you on Wednesday!

Can I Talk You OUT of Being on a Diet--EVER again? :-)

2011-09-06T06:15:00.000-07:00

Or "Junk" Food -- A MYTH? - Part 4
Are you a dieter, hoping to find a blog that will offer you support and encouragement? I must apologize. I want to support YOU, but I don't have the resources to support your diet. I would love to talk you OUT of being on a diet. I would love to talk you into being FREE for the rest of your life. Not free to be overweight, but free to lose the obsession with food and dieting AND free to find your natural God-given size, all the while growing in a closer relationship to the God who created you!

I would be so blessed if you would let me talk you into ditching your diet--forever!

I bet you know how to diet with the best of them. If you are like I was in 1999, you have lost weight a bunch of times. The trick is, we just can't keep the "performance" up. It wasn't until I began to believe that my list of "good foods" and "bad foods" was NOT helping me and that I had to try a different approach that I was finally able to lose the weight for good. I lost the *thinking* that had kept me on the pendulum swing, too!

Many of us are fearful about throwing away fat-gram counters, diet books, the special foods, measuring cups and food scales. Having a meal where we don't have a death grip on our food content FREAKS US OUT! We are terrified of what the scale will say in the morning, even if we have "been good!"

I just don't believe that God intended us to live this way...in fear. Fear is not of the Lord!

He wants us to experience the provision, presence, and power of His Spirit in our lives. As we walk in dependence on Him, asking Him about our body's need and what fuel He has provided to meet that need, we come to see Him as He is...a GREAT provider! He never intended food to TORMENT us!

This is part 4 of a series of posts about how "Junk Food" is a myth. My view is there is no such thing as JUNK food. In fact, I don't believe some foods are fattening. Over-eating IS! :-) You can over-eat and get fat on ANY food.

Image Provided by Stock Xchange

If you are afraid that if you start eating burgers or fries or whatever else, you will expand to double your current size, let me share with you how this works. :-) Before I stopped focusing on the nutrition content...back when I was having to step out in faith and start eating according to my physical hunger and physical satisfaction cues without counting points, calories or whatever else, I kept a loose mental note of nutrition facts relative to my eating. I did this as a sort of "insurance" policy and also to see if this thing was really likely to "work."

Here is what I found: If I am physically hungry and slooooowly eat a more calorie-dense food, and really listen to my body as it signals physical satisfaction...well, it doesn't take much of a calorie-dense food to satisfy my hunger. This translates into fewer calories than some might think. The thing is, many of us assume that if we order a burger and fries, we will eat the entire thing! But we don't need to do that. We can eat only what our body needs and it knows that it isn't hungry after just a few bites. It may not take many bites of a calorie-rich food, but those bites are deeply satisfying! I don't end up frustrated and ready to indulge at the first discipline failure.

Dieters know that fat has more calories per gram than carbohydrates or protein. So it stands to reason that things with more fat are likely to sustain me a bit longer and it is likely to take less of it to get me to a place of physical satisfaction. LESS of it. That makes a huge difference! If I eat LESS of a regular hamburger...say 1/4th of it, isn't that better than eating TWICE as much of a fake-burger? When I eat the entire fake-burger even though I am not hungry, is that really healthier? Overeating diet foods or eating smaller portions of regular foods...which keeps me healthier mentally and spiritually? Well, for me, it has been smaller portions of regular foods. In the past, eating the diet foods, just resulted in me giving in later out of frustration and eating BOTH...the "diet" food AND bingeing on the "bad foods."

With the dieting mentality, food was my god...either because I was over-eating it, consuming massive quantities out of the sheer compulsion to do so ... OR I was obsessing about counting this or that, weighing this or that and being sure I had special foods with me when going out with friends. That is a "god" there, too! I wasn't free of my idol just because I had switched from over-eating to counting everything. With both mentalities, my focus was FOOD FOOD FOOD! Not to mention the worry of losing or gaining and weighing. It drove me nuts!

When we embrace the freedom to which the Lord calls, we are free to be grateful and thankful with a humble heart and to enjoy any food. We begin to care more and more about how our bodies feel and begin to gravitate toward foods that we know intuitively make us feel better--more energetic and less bloated (for instance).

The "forbidden" foods no longer have a hold on us because they are not forbidden! We can have any food any time we are hungry and suddenly when I know I can have Chocolate Turtle Empanadas at On the Border any time I want, I don't need to have them all the time! When I order them, I don't need to overeat...I can slowly enjoy a few bites and discover that I am physically satisfied...not to mention emotionally *gratified* that I got to enjoy something so wonderful! Spiritually, I am praising GOD for the incredible tastes and textures in the food as well--AND that he has made my body so efficiently that it doesn't take much food to sustain my energy!

I can keep this approach up for the rest of my life. That is why I don't gain back the weight! This is a lifestyle change. And I continue to eat with gratitude and joy just as the Scriptures seem to indicate I should! I am not taking on a form of legalism as if it is godliness. Instead, I am learning to depend on the Lord as I seek His leading in the moment.

It just plainly takes less calorie-dense food to satisfy me than it does something that I don't want in the first place just because it has fewer calories!

What do you think? Are you willing to give it a try?

"Junk" Food -- A MYTH? Part 3

2011-08-26T04:18:00.000-07:00


Photo Courtesy of iStockPhoto.com

All creatures look to you
   to give them their food at the proper time.
When you give it to them,
   they gather it up;
when you open your hand,
   they are satisfied with good things.

- Psalm 104:27-28

ALL creatures. Humans included!

ALL creatures look to God for what?

...To give them their food at the proper ________ . What goes in that blank?

Time...

God gives food to all creatures at the proper time.

This struck me recently. This verse doesn't say "All creatures look to you to give them the proper food. "Proper" modifies time. "Proper" does *not* modify food.

Why is this significant?

Because in this verse we are told that God opens his hand and we experience:

Satisfaction
Good Things

When?

At the proper time.

This is a concept upon which Thin Within principles are established. God has a time for us to enjoy food!

The point, however, is His goodness, His provision, and HIS timing! It isn't about "fixing" the food (to make it "better") or eating the "proper" food. It is about HIS provision of good, satisfying things and my waiting on His timing.

So when is His timing to provide food? Is it when I *want* food because of taste? Or is it only when I am NOT over my "allotment" of _____ (calories, points, blocks, grams, etc.) for the day?

Calorie/point/gram allotments are superficial standards set by humans. These aren't the standard.

If we look to the wonder of nature (which is the context of this verse), the proper time to receive the good things that God gives to satisfy is when there is a need for fuel--when creatures are hungry. I don't know of an instance where wild animals have gotten obese, eating food when they aren't in need of fuel and storing extra fuel as fat on their bodies (unless their environment required it for survival and warmth like Polar Bears, etc.).

God is more interested in the timing of our eating than the what of our eating. We can eat the most nutritionally dense, calorie-light food in the world, but if it isn't the right time--HIS time--it may be out of His will.

Food was intended to nourish our bodies...to fuel our bodies. When we eat to fuel our bodies, we can delight in amazing textures, sensations, and whatever He provides for us! As we do this with gratitude and a thankful heart, coming from a place of humility, we glorify him as 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, "Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it to the glory of God the Father."

Is my heart grateful? Thankful? Or resentful and frustrated? I might want to evaluate if I am caught thinking that I can't have this entrée or that dessert. Am I trapped in the mentality of good food/bad foods? Maybe he wants to break me free so that I can experience the satisfaction he promises in Psalm 104 and elsewhere.

"Junk" Food -- A MYTH? - Part 2

2011-08-24T06:18:00.000-07:00

It was pretty quiet Monday in response to my post...and yesterday was a "ghost town" here on the blog except for one commenter (thanks, Sandra!). Maybe faithful readers feel I have discredited myself.

I guess all I really know is what I have experienced. For most of my adult years, I focused on the nutrition content of my food and felt "good" or "bad" about myself based on my eating choices. There was a nasty pendulum swing that occurred when I was on that path. Truthfully, all those years I struggled with my weight and hyper-focus on my body even while obsessing about nutrition content in my foods. In fact, most of those years I was significantly overweight and not healthy at all.

My freedom from extra weight has gone hand-in-glove with letting go of my tendencies to weigh and measure my food (weigh and measure ME), to obsess about nutrition labels, to graph and chart calories in and calories expended with exercise.

Another possible indication that fixating on the content of the food may not be the answer is that for the past 20 years and more, we have, as a country, added more "diet foods" (reduced calorie, reduced fat, reduced sugar, etc.) and more "vitamin enriched" foods to our assortment of choices. Nevertheless, our country battles obesity and obesity-related health issues like never before! This problem is actually *increasing* even as our variety of diets, diet centers, and diet foods has increased! Certainly, if adjusting the content of our foods was the answer, this wouldn't be the case.

Foods are often referred to as "treats," "junk," "healthy," and so on. (Funny how the "treats" seem to overlap the "junk" lists for those who have these lists!) It IS tempting to develop lists that help me feel good about myself when I eat or don't eat accordingly. But, is this wisdom?

Since you died with Christ to the elemental spiritual forces of this world,

why, as though you still belonged to the world,

do you submit to its rules:

“Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!”?

These rules, which have to do with things that are all destined to perish with use,

are based on merely human commands and teachings.

Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom,

with their self-imposed worship,

their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body,

but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.

Colossians 2:20-23

The context of this passage isn't "junk food" or "healthy food," but the principles are very similar to the ones that exist when we make our good/bad food lists! Maybe we should pause and think--or, even, pray! Is the Lord really the author of our good/bad food lists? Do my lists really deal with my heart?

In Acts 10, the Lord speaks to Peter about his own "good food/bad food" lists and commands Peter not to call unclean anything the Lord has made clean. Again, maybe there is a principle there.

Because I am a child of God, given a trust -- this physical body -- I want to be responsible in the way I eat. I am commanded in 1 Corinthians 10:31 to do all I do to the glory of God including my eating and drinking. But eating according to artificially created lists isn't the answer!

What if we allowed ourselves the same freedom that God invites us to enjoy? What if we were to enjoy all things in moderation and take Him at His Word, balancing our freedom with an eye toward understanding what 1 Corinthians 6:12 says:

“Everything is permissible for me”—

but not everything is beneficial.

“Everything is permissible for me”—

but I will not be mastered by anything.

Maybe the point is, I really am to enjoy in moderation all things that He has given me and keep an eye especially on what is beneficial. I have great freedom in Christ! I don't *need* to make lists! Certainly, I don't want any food or flavor to master me as the last part of this passage says. In fact, maybe this wonderful freedom, when exercised with a dependence on the Lord's leading in the moment, may lead me not to enjoy freedom TO eat, but freedom from HAVING TO eat a certain food in that moment!

The Lord may lead me to eat this ice cream or that salad or this enchilada or that shish-kabob. He may also lead me to fast my hunger for reasons I may sense or not. Maybe, I am called not to live according to lists--no matter how godly they may seem, but according to His Spirit in the moment.

When I look in Scripture, there are so many accounts where food has a role. I believe that He cares about this issue a great deal. In the earliest chapters of Genesis, Adam and Eve are in the Garden of Eden lured to eat outside of God's boundaries. Esau gives up his birthright for the sake of some stew. In the New Testament even communion uses the symbols of bread and wine.

In the closing pages of God's Word in the book of Revelation, are we promised a marriage dance of the Lamb? A marriage ceremony? No...a marriage SUPPER of the Lamb! God has seen fit that food and eating is important. I don't believe He placed a broad spectrum of flavors and textures on this earth to torment us, but to bless us within godly parameters. Those parameters are simply...moderation. Eating when I am hungry, stopping when I am no longer hungry, doing so prayerfully, with gratitude and praise...who needs good food/bad food lists, points, or specially packaged foods? :-)

I am encouraged in Proverbs 3:5,6 to trust in the LORD with all my heart and not depend on my own understanding. In ALL my ways (even in my eating?) I am to acknowledge Him and He will make my paths straight. I need to prayerfully consider what He wants from me in this and not lean on what seems to make sense based on what modern science says.

This sounds like a living, breathing, constant walk with the Holy Spirit. This sounds like being prayerful. Maybe this is an extension of a Spirit-filled, Spirit-dependent life.

"Junk" Food -- A MYTH? - Part 1

2011-08-22T06:16:00.000-07:00

Judgments are made about foods all the time in our society. This food is "Junk Food" and that food is "Healthy Food." While I realize that some foods tend to be "nutritionally dense" and some foods are lighter in vitamins and minerals while denser in "energy" they provide, I don't tend to think of foods as "junk" or "healthy" any more. When I did, it never made me thin *or* healthy! As unbelievable as it may sound, I lost 100 pounds (and have kept it off for 4 years give or take) while eating french fries, pizza, ice cream, etc., etc., all those things that people usually put on the "Junk Food" list and say make you fat.

Sometimes, depending on what people eat based on those judgments, they then feel "good" or "bad" about themselves. I have been there, so I know how that works! :-) It is interesting we don't think of *why* we eat, but only the *what*. Maybe the *why* is important! (Actually, I KNOW it is!)

Some people even seem to think they can be closer to the Lord by eating certain foods and abstaining from certain others. (Again, focusing on the *what*, rather than the *why*.)

For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking,

but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.

- Romans 14: 17

Food shows up in the Bible often. Even so, we would be hard pressed to prove biblically that God is pleased or displeased with us based on the nutrition content -- the what -- of our food. In fact, often throughout the Word of God, people were commanded to enjoy rich foods and beverages!

Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks,

and send some to those who have nothing prepared.

This day is holy to our Lord.

Do not grieve,

for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”

-Nehemiah 8:10

It wasn't the nutritional content of the foods that the people were told to evaluate before eating or drinking. They were encouraged to eat CHOICE food and drink SWEET drinks. This was a *taste* test!

A clerk at the UPS store the other day made cheerful small-talk with me. He asked me where I was going to eat lunch. When I said McDonald's he quizzically said "You don't look like the sort of person who would eat at McDonald's. You are so fit!" I guess fit people can only be fit if they do NOT eat at McDonald's. Truthfully, I eat at McDonald's frequently, but my cholesterol isn't high and my weight is healthy. I eat smaller portions when I am hungry and that makes all the difference!

The difference isn't *what* I eat as much as it is *how much* and *when*. If I eat when I am hungry and stop when I am not (which takes care of the "how much"), I have freedom to eat whatever I choose. My walk with God is unencumbered by a constant lust for foods that are "forbidden." I heed God's leading without giving in to greed and gluttony--two sins clearly highlighted in the Scriptures--by eating in moderation!

In an ideal world, of course, this doesn't mean I act irresponsibly...I understand that my body is a stewardship, a trust. I want to make choices for fueling my body that make me feel and operate at my best, but I can do this prayerfully without obsessing about nutrition contents of the foods. I also want to move my body in a way that helps it get and stay healthy and fit.

The truth is, God has richly provided all things for our enjoyment (1 Timothy 6:17). But because we struggle with the concept of moderation and enjoying these blessings within godly boundaries, we think we need to eliminate them completely! I wonder if, by doing this, we don't deny ourselves an aspect of growth in our walks with Christ. To learn moderation, we need to depend on Him and His Spirit--especially with things that have mastered us previously. By creating our "Do" or "Do NOT Do" lists (EAT or DON'T EAT), is it possible we turn to a form of legalism that circumvents the very freedom that God desires for us? What if we could enjoy ANY food, in moderation, WHEN hungry, to fuel our body? Wouldn't it be a delightful experience not to obsess about food any longer?

Matthew 6:31 speaks to me about this very thing when it says: So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’

How about you? Do you tend to think of food as JUNK or as HEALTHY? Do you worry about what you will eat or drink or what size you will wear? What if you could enjoy ANY food in moderation? What then? How might this affect your life, your walk with Christ, your dependence on Him?

Forgiveness in Process

2011-08-19T16:28:00.000-07:00

I have written a lot at this blog about forgiveness over the years. (Just type "forgive" into the search box in the margin and you will see pages of material mentioning this!)

In, summary, God showed me in 2007 that my refusal to forgive was affecting me emotionally and that, in turn, was causing me to look for solace in food. When I went through a challenging process of forgiving anything and everything, anyone and everyone, I could think of, I began being able to really apply the principles of Thin Within and I released the 100 pounds of extra weight I carried on my body. Forgiveness unlocked my *willingness* to surrender food to the Lord.

It is time to take a truth inventory again, to take stock because my eating is out of kilter. Though I am active enough to keep up with myself...it won't be long before that just isn't the case. But the point is, there is a *heart* condition that I know the Lord wants to address.

My perfect King has seen fit to ordain a lot of fresh, ONgoing stuff for me to forgive. So, since I am trying to lead an online class of wonderful people through the Thin Within workbook, and since we are on the forgiveness lesson, I get to have a fresh look at my own need to forgive.

While I am not surprised by what I am discovering, I am dismayed. It seems never-ending. A year ago June, my world was shaken to the core by someone very dear to me. Someone who had always been solid, dependable, and a foundation stone in my life. The changes threw me into a tail-spin and I am only beginning to recover. Meanwhile, all the same old issues have continued to go on...

And I find myself just wanting to rest! Even better if it can be with a half gallon of ice cream! Old habits do die so very hard indeed!

Anyhow, if any of you find yourself in a similar place, I just wanted you to know, I can relate. Doing "forgiveness work" is the hardest work on the planet, I am convinced. :-/

More Lessons in the Corral

2011-08-05T06:24:00.000-07:00

The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.

Psalm 103:8

Tonight, I watched the four horses that have been entrusted to my care plunge their faces eagerly into their dinner. I silently bemoaned the fact that I haven't taken time to ride even once this summer and thought about the many hurdles the ponies and I have managed together--some literal, physical, but most on a personal, emotional, and even spiritual level.

My heart swelled with love and compassion as I looked at each of them.

Dodger, the formerly abused mustang who has barely carried any of us during his eight years of living with us. He did, however, give my son a season of pure joy, connecting with him in a way we wrote about for the Chicken Soup for the Horse Lover's Soul, Volume 2 book. Now, Dodger just hangs out with his buddies "pretending" to be back on the Nevada desert, free of all encumbrances. LOL! I wonder if he ever misses the little boy that used to come down there and just sit with him.

Breezy loves thinking he is retired. Not to be anthropomorphic or anything, but he was always the cynic, yet nevertheless constantly offered more loyalty and reliability as any horse could. I wonder sometimes if he misses the horse shows, the parades, (the snacks!!!), the ponying younger horses and carrying new riders. Now, as he enters the twilight of life he probably won't carry many people very often--at least not full-size adults.

Doc came to me lame as a four year old. My husband and I made some difficult decisions where he was concerned and yet something always "over-rode" the decision we made and now here he is, a 12 year old retiree, hanging out with the old "men." Pretty as anything. As healthy as a ...well... a horse! Maybe still arthritic (he is older, after all), but he does just fine wandering around our forested hillside. He never did too well when a saddle was thrown up on his back.

Harley has taught me more about life and about myself than anyone else in my entire life. Someday, my escapades with him will be the contents of a book.

As I watched them inhale $$$ which would later become manure (talk about throwing money away), I was flooded with the deepest compassion and love for them. It struck me...maybe compassion is one of the clearest demonstrations of the way in which humans are created in the image of God. Again and again throughout the Scriptures, we are told that God has compassion for us and that He is a compassionate God.

I am not the "Creator" of the horses--they aren't my design or a product of my imagination! They have brought many difficulties into my life--and many hard lessons. The joyful moments have been but a drop in the bucket, really. Yet, when I look at them and even when I consider the hard work involved in caring for them (let alone the expense), I am nevertheless flooded full of compassion. I desire their good. I even feel a sense of pleasure--even if we never ride together again! Even if my dreams for them haven't been fulfilled! I joy in them.

I have not yet realized the dreams God has for me. I am sure I am much "trouble" to "keep." Yet I see in a new way that God has compassion on me, too...just as His Word says. If I, an imperfect human, can feel compassion and love for my Harley who has given me a bunch of grief (and flying lessons!) over the past eight years, I know that God who IS perfect, who has created me, who knows me intimately...he is faithful to what he says about himself in the Word--He has compassion for me. Even when I fail and fail again and again...Sure, he may shake his head...or even shed a tear over my stubborn insistence to do things my way, but I can't doubt that His heart is filled with compassion for me...for ME!

Question: How does knowing God is compassionate stir your heart? How does it affect you today? Please feel free to respond here. Every comment is read and appreciated.

Trust the Process? But It FEELS Wrong!

2011-07-22T04:00:00.000-07:00

I currently have lots of opportunities to play doubles tennis with a lot of wonderful women. I find the interaction tremendously fun. So, because volleying is an integral part of doubles and since I want to be an asset to my "team," I have been going to Mr. Tennis Pro to learn a bit about how to volley well. Being at the net, catching the ball on the fly, is something I have avoided for all of my tennis life.

Image provided by iStockPhoto

First thing Mr. Tennis Pro does is tell me to shift my grip.

Ok, now look here! I have been playing this game for years and this guy is telling me something that plainly just feels REALLY wrong?!? This can't be right. Seriously...this feels counter-intuitive...worse. It doesn't even make SENSE to me how this could be right. How can holding my racquet this way be a GOOD thing?

This is where my preference as a baseliner really comes through as the grip I typically use is the ONLY right grip for me. It is the one I have used for all the years of tennis I have played. You can't mess with something that you are sooooo used to.

...that is *unless* you want a different result.

Hmm....

Do I want a different result? Do I want my "volleys" (using the term loosely for what was actually my slapping at the ball at the net) to be an effective offensive weapon in a match against opponents? Or do I want to patty-cake or, worse, hit the net or the back fence, thus giving point after point away? Do I want success badly enough to try something that feels SO cruddy?

So Mr. Tennis Pro starts pelting me at the net with balls, instructing me to trust him...put my hand on my racquet where he has shown me it needs to go, promising me that all will be good. Within moments, balls go off my racquet every which way. The "good" isn't quick in coming. The promise is NOT realized! In fact, this is worse than before!

Mr. Tennis Pro says I have to trust him and, "Oh! By the way! Check your grip! It has slipped back to the old position!" ...Yup, he is right. I have reverted to what is most comfortable. No wonder things aren't working.

But even with my hand in the new position, progress isn't instant. I can't control the ball at all.

Frustration!

So this is where the old adage "It will get worse before it gets better" comes into play. Yet because Mr. Tennis Pro has been around for a long while and has helped a lot of players get better at volleys, I trust him. I am tempted to give up, but the promise lures me onward. I stick it out.

Lesson after lesson, practice session after practice session, match after match...guess what? I think I am finally seeing improvement! Last night and today I actually played three sets of doubles (for a total of six) and I actually hit volleys where I intended MORE than I didn't! (This is a huge improvement!)

I wonder if many of us who struggle with extra weight on our bodies are like this with the Thin Within principles when we first start out.

Eating when hungry...

...stopping when no longer hungry...

...not worrying about WHAT...

...just when (when hungry)...

...and why (for nourishment, not as a recreational pastime)...

...just seem to go against everything we have ever done and everything we have ever "known" about how to lose weight.

But don't we want *different* results than what we have gotten in the past? Not just to lose the extra weight we carry, but to keep it off?

Sort of like me with a volley at the net. I want something different--permanently. So I had to actually trust something that felt WRONG or WEIRD or went against what I thought I knew when I first committed myself to this course...and let it get worse before it gets better.

How about you? Have you given the 0 and 5 Thin Within principle a try? Have you given up or are you considering giving up? Does it just feel so *wrong*?

Maybe you need to trust the process. What if waiting for hunger isn't wrong after all? What if eating the food you *want* to eat isn't what makes you gain weight. What if eating foods you love when you are hungry and then stopping eating those same foods when you are no longer hungry will actually WORK--cause you to SUCCEED in your weight loss efforts--and in maintaining a healthy weight?

I know it has worked for me! I lost 100 pounds this way and have kept it off pretty much for four years so far. I have seen things that didn't make *sense*...WORK!

Things may have to get worse before they get better. If you have been dieting as many years as I had been, I will be honest with you--all that freedom may trigger The Crazies! You may find yourself diving headlong into twelve hot fudge sundaes or plate upon plate of nachos with extra cheese (all ok to eat according to the Thin Within principles) or...well, whatever foods may have been on your "bad-for-you list." The reality is, those foods aren't bad for you. Overeating ANY food is "bad" for you!

So, why not try it? Eat whatever you like when you are physically hungry. Stop eating it when you are no longer physically hungry. Simple!

Like Mr. Tennis Pro encouraged me... trust me. This WILL work. Give it time!

Are you game? :-)

A Tennis Lesson: What I BELIEVE Changes What I DO

2011-07-07T10:34:00.000-07:00

Tonight is a big event for me.

I have a doubles tennis match. Our USTA team is in first place and we play the second place team--the last event before the play-offs. There are five matches as part of this event and we have to win three of them to win the event.

The temperatures have been over 100 degrees and although the weather promises to be a little less brutal today, but I may face a pretty hot tennis court and physically demanding conditions for the next four days (I have a tournament this weekend). So, today:

I am guzzling water.
Instead of my usual fare of food, I am selecting foods that I know make my body feel at its best, eating when hungry and stopping when no longer hungry.
I am not working outside, even though there are outside chores that could be done--I want to conserve my strength today and tomorrow.
I am setting aside my usual workout routine so that my body can be as fresh as possible.
I cancelled a fun match of singles tennis today so I wouldn't "overdo." I had been looking forward to it, too, but, again, I want to be as fresh as possible.
I am icing my shoulder and elbow several times today (chronic injuries).
I will take ibuprofen before heading to my match tonight.

When you look at this list, it is a list based in faith. Both in what I will face, but also that the things I am doing in anticipation will make a difference. My beliefs are affecting my actions:

I have faith that drinking water will prepare me for a potentially dehydrating situation. I am confident that conditions will be hot and confident that I can offset some of that by drinking lots of water before I need it. I am confident I will feel and play better by doing so. My belief, my "faith," affects what I do.

I am confident that I will feel and play better if I am more conscientious about my eating today, too, so I am acting accordingly. My belief, my "faith," affects what I do.

I know working outside today and doing my regular workout routine or playing a singles tennis match would likely deplete me of energy that I will need tonight, so I am giving myself lots of rest today. I am acting in accordance with my belief that excess activity could tire me out. My belief, my "faith," affects what I do.

I am confident that a sore shoulder and elbow can feel better...at some level :-) I believe in the power of icing and using ibuprofen! My belief, my "faith," affects what I do.

There are several things I see here:

1.) Today, I am a "tennis player" who is likely to play the #1 team of our primary "rivals." I am serious about being at my best for my doubles partner :-) (love ya, girl!) and the rest of the team who is counting on all of us to be at our best. This is my identity. I see myself as a tennis player playing for the #1 team in our league, a tennis player who WILL WIN. :-) (Of course, this is at a superficial level...I realize that my identity, as purchased by Christ, is much more pervasive, profound, and WONDERFUL than this!!! LOL!)

2.) My sense of my identity brings with it awareness of a string of "potential" facts--such as the possibility of hurting, getting dehydrated, being over-heated, exhausted, etc. (One might wonder why one does this to oneself...dare I venture the answer..."the hope of glory!" Many songs will be sung in our honor! HA!)

3.) My beliefs in #1 and #2 above changes what I DO today...I am acting pre-emptively and, in faith that I can do something about #2.

What does this have to do with Thin Within?

I am so glad you asked! :-)

What I believe about myself affects how I act. Do I believe that God has set me free from being in bondage to overeating and self-loathing of my body? Do I believe I am a free child of God, declared righteous and holy, able to walk in this freedom because the presence of the Holy Spirit is in me? How are my beliefs affecting my actions? Or, conversely, if I analyze my actions, what do they say about what I really believe?

Do I believe that I don't have to have a "weight problem" for the rest of my life? Do I really believe that God is bigger than my struggle with this thing? If I do, then I know it will affect the way I act.

Do I believe I can honor him with my eating and drinking like 1 Corinthians 10 says?

Do I believe God is willing to see me live in freedom?

Do I believe He is powerful?

Do I believe He is compassionate?

How do these beliefs affect my actions?

How about you? What do you really believe about God and about yourself? How do your beliefs affect what you do? What beliefs do you need to allow God to change so that you might begin to act in accordance with truth?

Gluttony - Is it a Problem?

2011-06-28T09:01:00.000-07:00

I have shared this link here at the blog in the past, but I feel led to share it again. This is a link to a page where you can listen to or download a very inspiring, yet heart-rending, audio by Chrystal Munson speaking about Gluttony to a women's group. It is Chrystal's testimony and she has a lot of very challenging things to share. But I think it is important. If you don't want to visit the page, you can listen to it below:

Let's invite God into this area...He is gentle and loving, but He is holy and calls for our hearts.

Call to Press On!

2011-06-27T08:35:00.000-07:00

Is it a struggle to “get your act together?”

Without a doubt, the Lord delights in any movement at all--even babysteps--we take in an “upward” direction. Please don’t give in to the enemy’s desire that you “quit.” This is a lifetime process so what better way of learning how to DO this for life than by DOING it during life? :-)

In over 10 years of using this approach to food and eating, I have found that it is rare that everything is “just perfect.” It often feels like I take three steps forward and two back. Sometimes it feels like four forward and six back!

Hang in there and sooner or later the “net movement” will be forward!

Just keep at it.

Paul says it perfectly with Philippians 3:12-14:

Not that I have already obtained all this,

or have already arrived at my goal,

but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.

But one thing I do:

Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,

I press on toward the goal to win the prize

for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Let’s press on! It will take our entire lifetimes, yes. STRAIN toward what is ahead. This isn’t an “easy fix.” Sanctification rarely is! :-) Discipleship rarely is! Anything worth fighting for is rarely an easy fix. We are inviting God not merely to change our bodies, but to transform our thinking--so that the changes come from the inside out!

(I hope you will join our online study Wednesday in the chat room at 4:30pm Pacific Daylight time.)

Failure? Or A Stepping Stone?

2011-06-20T03:08:00.000-07:00

After removing Saul, he made David their king.

God testified concerning him:

‘I have found David son of Jesse, a man after my own heart;

he will do everything I want him to do.’

- Acts 13:22

He was a murderer.

But God called him a man after His own heart.

He was a liar.

But God called him a man after His own heart.

He was an adulterer.

But God called him a man after His own heart.

Imagine what would have happened if King David, irritated with his failures, had thrown up his hands and said, "Forget it. That's it! I have failed again. I QUIT being King! I refuse to write another psalm! Israel can find another leader. I am done!"

It is so tempting to let our perceptions of ourselves as "failing" determine what our next step will be. When it comes to the journey toward freedom with food, eating and body image, we tend to act like this is a diet...something we can "quit" if we don't string together enough "good" days.

The truth is, God has called us to press on--through the "good," the "bad," and the "ugly." If we want to be women (and men) after God's own heart, then let us take a cue from King David. Maybe being someone after God's own heart isn't so much about whether we fail or not as it is about what we *do* with the perceived failure. Do we let it control our choice to keep on? What kind of warped perfectionism is this that would make me say "Forget it. I give up! I ate too much (or "past 5") too many days in a row. I am a Thin Within drop out! I will never get this thing beat, so why keep trying? I QUIT!"

What if, instead of letting my failures, mistakes, and shortcomings determine the course I choose, I were to think of my failures as stepping stones? What if I were to submit my "failure" (and mySELF and my next choice) to God and then humbly STAND on it and USE it in the power of the Holy Spirit to keep on the Path to which God has called me? Is it possible that this journey is comprised of a number of stepping stones, some "failures" and some "successes?"

Photo Courtesty of stock.xchng

Why not put each and every one firmly under my feet in the strength that God provides? Rather than allow my "failures" step all over me, I want to step on them and launch on into what is next on this journey.

I am so glad that King David didn't quit being King. There are so many lessons I learn from Him in the Scriptures! Maybe the chief lesson of them all is that God uses those who fail--and badly--and He even proclaims the one who presses on anyhow as one after His own heart!

How about you? What if you were to follow David's example, that no matter what "failures" you may experience, you just keep on being faithful...keep on growing a heart after God's? What if you were to step on those failures as though they were a means of getting to the goal instead of a wall blocking your way?

Thin Within - Worshipping God Through the Mundane

2011-06-13T15:54:00.000-07:00

We often think of worship as singing songs on Sunday mornings, but the exciting truth is, we can do whatever we do for the glory of God, just as 1 Corinthians 10:31 says:

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

Even eating and drinking can be an expression of worship! In fact, a careful study of Scripture might indicate to an astute observer of the text that God cares very much about this aspect of our lives. So let's invite him to show us His will for our lives this summer!

Provided by iStockPhoto.com

Thin Within is the non-diet approach I used to release 100 pounds of weight between summer of 2006 and fall of 2007 and I continue to maintain a healthy size the same way. Not only is this an approach to managing weight, but it really is a discipleship program--focusing my heart and mind on being renewed by the Word of truth and submitting to the God of the Universe in *all* things...even things that seem mundane!

Thin Within is NOT a program where you will learn diet laws and rules. In fact, you will be encouraged to throw out your diet paraphernalia! You will even be challenged NOT to get on your bathroom scale. There are no "good foods" or "bad foods." All is lawful! (1 Corinthians 6:12)

Instead, you will be encouraged to respond to your God-given signals of physical hunger and satisfaction. You will have the joy of allowing God to direct you personally in eating whatever foods you desire within the parameters of physical need. You can do this without guilt and with delight. Each time you are physically hungry you can select something to eat that thrills your taste buds! If you love summer squash, then great! Enjoy! If you hate it, don't ever eat another bite of it again. :-) If you love cheese enchiladas, enjoy the freedom of having the mexican meal of your dreams when you are hungry and stopping when you are no longer hungry.

No weighing, measuring, counting, or preparing of special foods. You can eat out, go on vacation, eat what your family eats. I know it sounds too good to be true, but the key is in something that is hard for many of us--M-O-D-E-R-A-T-I-O-N. It works!

I believe that this is where our God-given freedom from tyranny of food, body images, and self-loathing is found. As I learn to ask the Lord to renew my mind and my thinking about food and my body, I see that He is the Creator! He created my body to be reliable if I will depend on HIM to help me through all those other times I may be drawn to food! I begin to trust him with this process. We *can* do this. And when we eat only what we *need* we will release the extra weight and discover our natural God-given size.

Because we eat each time we are hungry, we don't have to worry about "shutting down" our metabolisms. The truth is, we are teaching our bodies that we are *NOT* in "starvation" mode. Quite to the contrary, in fact.

Additionally, because we will depend on the Lord to learn about our bodies and the way we think about food, to expose the lies we have believed, to replace these lies with truth, we will find our relationships with the Lord deepening.

I won't lie to you...this process IS hard. There is a definite need to die to self--to be willing to say no to the additional portion when I am no longer hungry, but the joy that comes is bountiful!

Consider Colossians 2:20-21:

Since you died with Christ to the elemental spiritual forces of this world,

why, as though you still belonged to the world,

do you submit to its rules:

“Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!”?

These rules, which have to do with things that are all destined to perish with use,

are based on merely human commands and teachings.

Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom,

with their self-imposed worship,

their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body,

but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.

The above description sounds so much like a diet to me. I want to be DONE with that...I mean FOREVER. Do you? Aren't you sick of the good food/bad food lists? Especially when you know down inside that you still REALLY love Häagen-Dazs ice cream and hate fat-free salad dressing? As we enjoy a modest amount of our favorite foods slowly and deliberately, we *are* satisfied. Partly because we go to GOD to have our heart needs met...instead of food! I can't get my spiritual and emotional hungers fed by eating physical food. Nope. It won't work! So Thin Within teaches that I go to God for that and then I am able to see the value of restraining indulging in extra portions of favorite foods! I end up joyful. I end up satisfied.

Please consider joining us for our study this summer. We will meet each week on Wednesdays from 4:30-5:30 PDT at http://www.thinwithin.org/chat/ to discuss what we have studied during the week. Be sure to get the workbook material so you can study during the week on your own! God will bless this! Give it 13 weeks and see if God doesn't blow you away with the NEW THING He is doing!

Want to Participate in an Online Thin Within Class? Now's Your Chance! :-D

2011-05-29T20:41:00.000-07:00

NOTE: I edited this to reflect a change in day of the week. We will be meeting in the chat room on Wednesdays instead of Thursdays. Hope you can make it!

I am leading an online Thin Within group this summer through the Thin Within workbook material. The first orientation meeting will be June 15th and we will meet at the chat room at the Thin Within website.We will meet for chatting together from 4:30-5:30 pm Pacific Daylight Time each Wednesday evening beginning June 15th continuing through the first week in September.

(If you are a visual person and prefer a video telling you about this material, below you will find one. It isn't particularly exciting, but it does give the low-down about the workbook!)

Here are some details (which I have shared in the past) telling about the Rebuilding God's Temple Workbook Kit #1. If you have done this workbook before, you can still join the weekly chats starting June 15th and work through *any* of the Thin Within workbooks as they are all designed so that they all have the same lesson topics each week!

The first kit is the most comprehensive and comes with three pieces:

Workbook #1
The Temple Toolkit
The Memory Challenge Cards (click on the image to see a large version and click again to see it magnified further):

The contents of Kit #1

First, the workbook itself, is a spiral bound volume that has material for 12 weeks of study. To download a sample of the material, visit this link. The download is an Adobe Reader (.pdf) file of Week One - "Hope." After you download it, print it and take a week to try it out! :-)

Each week consists of the following:

Lesson material - This is dense written material that you will read to glean the concepts that we are teaching or reviewing during the week. I usually recommend about an hour spent with this, highlighting, asterisking, and looking up the verses in my own bible. I may even write comments in the margin or, if I am leading a group, questions to be sure to ask participants.

Each of the reading portions of the lesson are divided into these segments:

Introduction - a brief overview of the week's focus
Spiritual Information - the relationship this material has to the Scriptures
Physiological Information - the "mechanics" -- what you can actually do to make additional changes in your eating to honor the Lord
Integration - How it all works together

Exercises - Don't worry! These aren't calisthenics! LOL! They are basically guided daily quiet times. :-) Each week includes "exercises" for each day of the week. Days six and seven are optional and a bit "lighter." Days one through five include the following sections:

Going Deeper - This relates some aspect of the lesson you have read to your life
Bible Study - This shows how Scripture illustrates or illuminates the principles taught in the lesson
Knowing God By Heart - One of the best parts, this is a study of the attributes of God. We have found that the way a participant views God impacts how she will view food, herself, her body, as well as her willingness (or not) to surrender this aspect of her life to the Lord for His purposes.
Getting Practical - These are suggestions for putting some of the mechanics of the program into practice
Memory Challenge - Hiding God's Word in our hearts will enable us to be reminded of our commitment to him when we are weak! Memorizing scripture is extremely helpful for renewing our mind and changing our thinking!

Review of the Week - This provides a space where you can summarize what God has shown you or questions and thoughts you have had. This section is especially helpful when you meet with others in a group setting. :-)

In addition to these resources in the workbook, there is an extensive Introduction at the beginning and Appendices in the back, providing a great deal of material that will support you on your journey.

But wait! There's more! :-) (Couldn't resist saying that!) Not only do you get the Workbook, but when you purchase the first kit, you also get the Temple Toolkit. This is a resource that offers a place for you to log your own journey throughout each day during the full twelve weeks. As you progress through the material, the pages change to match what you have learned in the workbook. Let me show you what I mean.

The first image below shows Days 25-28. Click on the image to see a larger version and then click again to see FULL size what these pages look like in the temple toolkit:

Days 25, 26, 27, 28 in the Temple Toolkit

As you progress through the workbook and new material is introduced, the Temple Toolkit changes, too:


Days 49, 50, 51, and 52 in Temple Toolkit

Again, click on the image above and then click again on the bigger image to see it full size. You will see new tools have been added.

Of course all of the tools are optional as you go through the 12-week workbook. If you have come out of a background of excessive charting and graphing, you may only want to use the journaling pages. Or, as time goes on, you may experience freedom with one tool and not another. The Lord will lead each of us individually. Some have freedom to use all the tools, charts and graphs.

By the time you are closer to the end of the first twelve weeks, you will have been introduced to all of the tools. Note how the material in the toolkit has evolved:

Days 77, 78, 79 and 80 in Temple Toolkit

Again, "Wait! There's more!" :-) When you order the first kit, you get not only the Workbook, the Temple Toolkit that changes as you go through the material, but you also get the Memory Challenge and Temptation Buster Cards:

Memory Challenge and Temptation Buster Cards

Again, click on the image above and the larger image, to get a full size view of what these include. You cut them up and can carry them with you so that Thin Within isn't just a bible study that you begin in the morning and leave behind the rest of the day. These resources are very supportive in helping you to keep the principles that God is leading you to embrace and apply with you throughout the day.

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves.

Do what it says.

Anyone who listens to the word

but does not do what it says

is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and,

after looking at himself,

goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.

~ James 1:22-24

We don't want to just accumulate head knowledge, but then leave it behind for the rest of the day! We want to ACT on what we learn in our times of study and in God's Word!

I realize that $45 is not a "bargain price" for a workbook alone, but I trust you will feel like it is worth it. This material includes three months of workbook material and exercises, as well as the Temple Toolkit which would probably cost $20 for something like that (if you could find such a thing!) separately. (It isn't sold separately at Thin Within, so this is hypothetical!) Truthfully, with the money you save by eating less food :-), you will be able to afford a kit for yourself and a best friend, too! (Ok, so now I am taking my infomercial over the top...hope you are bearing with me! LOL! But it IS true!)

Thin Within isn't a big company. No one has a salary. The proceeds from sales of the workbook go to cover the costs of producing these materials, keeping the Thin Within website functioning, other expenses (like the phone!), and small stipends for some of the Thin Within team members. So while the cost of $45 may seem steep, it isn't padding anyone's pocket. I am sure you will be pleased with the quality of the materials you receive. (Boy, do I ever sound like an advertisement today. Sorry about that! I just really believe in this material and am eager for the word to spread!)

One additional piece of information that many are unaware of is that there are 3 additional workbooks, each covering 12 weeks. The material is designed so that people who have gone through workbook #1 before, can do workbook #2 or #3 or #4, even while most in the group use workbook #1. Each of the workbooks are presented in 12 weekly themes that parallel each other. These are the themes for all four of the workbooks:

Hope
My Body--God's Temple
Identity in Christ
Celebration of God's Grace, Part One
Restoration
Counting the Cost
The Fight of Faith
Celebration of God's Grace, Part Two
Building Godly Boundaries
Forgiveness
Prayer
Celebration of God's Grace, Part Three

When the group is on week five, everyone will be studying, reviewing, learning about the theme of Restoration. This helps prevent the material from becoming stale! It is a great system that allows people of all experience levels to enjoy a group together, studying and reviewing together.

To order materials, call Thin Within 1-877-729-8932 (9:00am-5:00pm Eastern).

The group I will be leading starting June 16th is an "open" group. You can join the chat at any time. There will be more details to come here and at the Thin Within website. Hope you can join us, even if you will be traveling a lot this summer! You can still join us at your convenience! :-)

As For Me...

2011-05-23T04:58:00.000-07:00

Sabotaged. Again.

Derailed. Again...

Surrounded by family members who don't seem to "get" 0 to 5 eating--
Friends and co-workers who insist as you reach for a cookie that "You will never lose weight if you keep eating junk like that!"--
People who don't give any credence to the "notion" that eating even a cookie when hungry is not going to cause weight gain!

Does it seem like "failure" lurks around every corner?

Even church friends may wonder why you want to connect eating with your faith and walk with God! Some may think that "working on the heart" is an excuse for not really working on weight loss. And others may think that "organic only" is next to godliness!

Once we have decided to surrender our eating to the Lord, once we have agreed that it is our own heart and the desire for more food than we need that needs "fixing" rather than the nutrition content of the foods we eat, we may discover that those nearest and dearest to us just don't buy it. And they may not hesitate to verbalize this again and again!

If we look for support and encouragement from others, we may find that pressing forward seems so difficult.

Lately, I have noticed a tendency I have...that of lamenting something like this:

"I could follow you, Lord, without hindrance if only....."
Or
"I could succeed in eating between 0 and 5 if only ...."
Or
"If I only had a support group, I could succeed."

The honest desires of my heart to receive support and encouragement in the pursuit of giving my eating and drinking to the Lord is not a bad thing. But at some level, I wonder if I am blaming God's provision (or lack of provision!) for my lack of consistency! With my eyes on those around me, I wish that SOMEone, SOMEwhere, would join me in pursuing faithfulness in this area of life! Don't I *need* support? Wasn't I made for community? It makes sense that I am hindered going forward until I have a buddy or accountability partner or at least a husband who supports me...er...uh...right? :-)

(NOTE: In all fairness to my husband, I must say that I am blessed with a supportive husband or family, but I know that many you who visit this blog aren't so fortunate -- I want to offer these thoughts out there for consideration.)

In the garden of Eden after Adam and Eve ate of the forbidden fruit, Adam blamed Eve and God for his choice: "...the woman YOU gave me made me do it!" Eve blamed the serpent (which is a sideways approach to blaming God, too, since God created the serpent). The temptation in the garden, similar to the temptation I face today, was to turn the light of conviction away from self and find a scapegoat...something or someone else to put the responsibility on. Or, at the very least, to share the responsibility with!

But here is a thought I have to consider when I think these "If only..." sorts of thoughts. God has called me to this...whatever this may mean. This marriage, this job, this time and place. Right now, this is where He, in His perfect sovereignty, has called me and placed me. And he has placed these convictions about my eating IN ME--not in anyone else (necessarily).

2 Peter 1:3 says I have been given everything I need for life and godliness--so the responsibility remains with me to use what I have been given to choose to honor the Lord. Yes, it would seem so helpful to have an accountability partner, a husband who also eats 0 to 5, kids would didn't eat all the time and never gain weight :-), a Thin Within group at my church...but the truth of the matter is, God has called ME to this. He has called me to set my eyes on Him no matter what else is going on.

Image Provided by Stock Exchange

But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.

~ Psalm 73:8

But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD,
I wait for God my Savior;
my God will hear me.

~ Micah 7:7

There is much about my walk with Christ that encourages me to be in relationship with others, but when it all boils down, God calls me to an "As for me..." walk with him. He calls me not to be distracted by what others do or don't do, say or don't say, whether they show support, encouragement, approval, or agree with me or not. His calling to me is specific, personal, unique. Will I be faithful to His calling?

As for me, I will do this thing regardless of what everyone else chooses. I will press on to walk with my God in obedience out of a heart of devotion and love. He is my refuge no matter what. I hope in the Lord and wait on Him.

How about you? Will you choose to be faithful in your "As For Me" walk with God? How might choosing to do so affect you today?

Oh, To Love Him More!

2011-05-17T16:03:00.000-07:00

"You are different from me. You love God. I have never loved God," came the candid disclosure from one who embraces the gospel message, has studied and taught the truths of the Word, and shepherded God's people.

"Do you want to love God?"

"Well, sure."

From where I sit, wanting to love God more proves that you love God! Maybe not as much as you like, but if you really didn't love God, then you wouldn't care if you love him or not. Or that makes sense to me.

Image provided by istockphoto.com

Can you identify with this honest Christian's confession? Perhaps you know you love the Lord, but long to love Him even more.

Here are three things that continue to make a huge difference in my life, causing me to grow in my love for my Savior. I hope they might help you:

1.) I ask God to put a greater love for Him in my heart.

Years ago, as I watched a Beth Moore video, she admitted that she had prayed this prayer frequently after observing the love a friend/mentor displayed for the Lord. She longed to love the Lord that way. It certainly seems to have worked for Beth--she is clearly crazy about God! So I began to pray this...not every day, but on and off. I still do.

This is the confidence we have in approaching God:

that if we ask anything according to his will,

he hears us.

And if we know that he hears us

—whatever we ask—

we know that we have what we asked of him.

~ 1 John 5:14-15

God commands us to love Him (Deuteronomy 6:5; Matthew 22:37). If we pray according to His will, we know that He hears us and will grant it to us...so, praying for a deepening of my love for the Lord seems like a sure thing! :-) I like that kind of prayer!

2.) I look at my sin and acknowledge the incredible, extravagant price paid for my forgiveness and freedom from sin.

Some people don't want to look at the things that they have "done wrong." Certainly, I don't mean beating myself up over it, but I DO mean refusing to be in denial or glossing over my sin. I am keenly aware that apart from the Lord in my life, I would even NOW become a VERY immoral woman. I would make Mary Magdalene look saintly.

Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon,

“Do you see this woman? I came into your house.

You did not give me any water for my feet,

but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair.

You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered,

has not stopped kissing my feet.

You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet.

Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—

as her great love has shown.

But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”

~ Luke 7:44-47

Mary was deeply aware of the depths to which Jesus' love and mercy reached to pull her out of the pit where she lived. Jesus says that the one who has been forgiven much, loves much. Frankly, we all have been forgiven much, but many of us "forget" that fact! Nurturing an awareness of what Jesus has forgiven in me is huge for me in stimulating a deeper devotion and appreciation for Him.

This, too, is something I ask the Lord for--to help me to see myself as He does--the sin *and* the provision for the sin, as well as the costly price paid for my freedom. As I look at what I was before I knew Jesus, the path I was on and what I was likely to become, as I see even daily how much my heart is drawn away from the Lord and that I constantly am in need of His grace and mercy, as I see what I would be if I was given over to my own fleshly tendencies--even for a day--I am deeply grateful for all He does for me. This stirs me to love the Lord even more.

3.) I listen to music (and sermons) that reminds me again and again of the attributes, acts, and love of my God and my love for Him.

I know that a lot of Christian people don't like Christian music. I need Christian music. A lot. It is used by God as a lifeline to His presence for me. Music that specifically reminds me of the truth of God's personality, His kindness, His power, His creativity, awesomeness, love...this focuses my attention on whatever is lovely, good, noble true (Philippians 4:8) and helps to foster a deep love for Him as well. I love it when I wake up in the night and have songs going through my mind that praise the Lord for who He is. Some of the songs on my favorite playlist on my iPod right now are:

Nothing Without You - Bebo Norman
Song for the Bride - Brian Doerksen
You're Beautiful - Phil Wickham
Pour My Love on You - Philips, Craig, and Dean
King of Wonders - Matt Redman

Obviously, being in His Word and getting to know Him more, fostering an ongoing prayer life...these things are wonderfully helpful as well.

One other thing that has revolutionized my love for God is practicing gratitude. I have written about that here at length before, though. (If you want to see those posts, use the search feature to type in the word "gratitude" and you will see a bunch of posts that mention gratitude.)

How does loving God more relate to my views of food, eating, and my body? Simply, the more I grow in my devotion to the Lord, the less likely I am to retain anything for myself. I want to give myself away to Him for His purposes. I turn to Him to be more than enough and see that He meets me in my hunger and thirst. I don't want to rebel by choosing excess in any area of my life. The more I love Him, the more I want to obey Him as an offering to Him (John 14:23).

There really does seem to be a lot of truth in the concept that if we continue to struggle to surrender our eating to the Lord, maybe we need to focus on deepening our knowledge of Him, His character and loving Him. As our love deepens, we want to abandon ourselves to Him...including in the area of eating. Maybe I get caught up in obedience in a legalistic way when what I need to do is be captivated by His love, His character and love Him in response. Somehow, I think that as I grow in that, the obedience may be more likely to follow.

Freezer Calling YOUR Name?

2011-05-06T00:48:00.000-07:00

I don't know who GloZel is, but she seems to be pretty funny. When I stumbled upon this short video, I could TOTALLY relate! Obviously, if I am hungry, the issue isn't quite so severe. ;-) But assume the woman in this video isn't hungry...and she is in for the battle of her...NIGHT!

Failure? -- Struggling With Evening Eating

2011-05-04T09:00:00.000-07:00

Because of my involvement with the Thin Within company in the past and my participation in writing the book and workbook material, I have received emails and phone calls over the years asking for input, help, and advice.

One of the most common struggles that people face is with consistency. I often am asked "How can I stop failing at this? I start the day committed to giving God my eating within 0-5, but by the time dinner is over, I seem to always give in to eating constantly for the rest of the evening. What is wrong with me? How can I be successful?"

The questions vary in how they are worded, but this is the upshot.

Here I share some thoughts about this:

It sounds like you are defining failure according to the dieting mentality. How does God define failure, though?

Many of us think failure is not losing weight, not sticking to a meal plan, etc.

But what if God's view of failure is radically different--if it has more to do with our hearts? What if it has nothing to do with our weight and is simply: Not seeking Christ with all our hearts?

Think about it. Do you desire to give God your eating? Are you growing in your awareness and taking babysteps of faith and action to surrender your eating to Him. This is seeking Christ! This is far from the "failure" that you claim!

Let's not forget that life is a journey--it is progressive. Sanctification is a process!

Maybe we need to extend ourselves the grace that God certainly does--He demonstrated His love for us in this, that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Even when we had NOT A SINGLE Godward thought, he reached out to bridge the chasm between us.

God has given us a very precious gift that he intends for us to embrace that might help us to delight in Him and his goodness, rather than fixate on ourselves.

Let's invite God to help us to redefine failure and success the way HE does. Right now, he is working on your heart. You are seeing your weakness, I bet! He says in his Word that when you are weak, he is strong. That is progress, too! If you can rest in that, it might help. Look at all the many moments in the day that you are honoring him. If it is just at night that you struggle with godly choices, I would say that probably over 20 hours out of every 24 are spent honoring God with your choices! That is far from failure!

While we DO want to repent of sin, maybe we should also declare His praises in the work He is doing in us and celebrate our good choices.

I believe that these things are CRUCIAL--to welcome the renewing of our minds and to let go of the dieting mentality that says failure is when I don't lose weight or stick to an eating plan 100% of the time.

Nevertheless, here are some practical tips for offsetting the temptation to eat in the evening when many of us are most vulnerable. See if some of these may help you!

1.) After dinner, put up a "Kitchen Closed" sign and abide by it.

2.) Chew sugarless gum. Anything you put in your mouth when you are chewing gum will be sorta gross. :-)

3.) (My favorite as I believe it gets to the heart...) Since you know you struggle in the evening, plan for some quiet time with the Lord immediately after dinner. This will be time to devote yourself afresh to him, to feast on his presence, to ask him to come into your weakness and to be strong in it.

4.) Plan a new activity after dinner other than computer or tv or reading (or whatever is your typical MO...). Change things up, get out of the house, go for a walk or a drive or...whatever. Break out of the rut! :-)

I hope these help, but most of all, our THINKING is where we need the transformation to begin. I think that is one reason why this approach is called Thin WITHIN. The changes begin in our hearts and in our thinking. Let's be sure we address this. It is hard work, certainly, but our God is faithful. Let's invite God to renew our minds and to transform us. Let's spend time immersed in His Word during the time of day when we are most tempted!

God's Sovereignty In My Past

2011-04-25T10:42:00.000-07:00

What if I were to make a really BOLD assertion! Try this:

Everything that has happened in my past was ordained by God.

Not just "allowed."

Not just "tolerated" as if his arm was twisted by some force (Satan?) and he gave in.

No.

I mean precisely what it says.

This is a frightening assertion. If you find it so, you are in good company! Why does it bother us so much?

Somehow it implies things that I don't like, true. Yet to somehow assume that God wasn't sovereign in my past, that he *could* have stopped "bad things" from happening and chose to "allow" them anyhow, doesn't bring me comfort. I don't see that in Scripture. I don't see that in his character in the pages of my bible either. I see a clear declaration again and again: He is KING.

¹ “Come, let us return to the LORD.
He has torn us to pieces
   but he will heal us;
he has injured us
   but he will bind up our wounds.
² After two days he will revive us;
   on the third day he will restore us,
   that we may live in his presence.
³ Let us acknowledge the LORD;
   let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises,
   he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
   like the spring rains that water the earth.”

Hosea 6:1-3

I see that God ordains what His people endure--even suffering! We are told that HE wounds--and HE heals. We may not understand why or how, but he does. Satan has no rights or power apart from God and somehow that fact doesn't diminish God's utter, total holiness and goodness. It is sort of like the Trinity--I don't get it, but it is true.

So, what are the implications of God being sovereign, even in my past?

Image Courtesy of Stock Exchange

Here is my assertion...If we believe God was sovereign even in childhood abuse, molestation, abandonment...if we believe God was sovereign when a husband was unfaithful or a best friend betrayed...if we believe God was sovereign when the church lady wounded us so deeply...if we believe God was sovereign over anything that has happened to us, then we can REST. We can be at peace. We cease striving. We believe that--even if we don't "get" it, even if we don't understand how a GOOD God could have even allowed certain things, let alone ordained them--if we believe that our thoughts are not God's thoughts, nor His thoughts ours...that His ways are so much higher than our own...if we believe that He will go to ANY lengths to win a human heart for eternity--even wound for a speck of time during this brief season we are on earth so that we might enjoy intimacy with him forever--we can REST knowing that whatever it is we faced that was so horrible had a greater good that we will one day see. It was ordained by the loving plan of a gracious, merciful God.

⁸ “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
   neither are your ways my ways,”
            declares the LORD.
⁹ “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
   so are my ways higher than your ways
   and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9

If I were to go back through my own past and look at events in light of this assertion, I know it would radically affect my tendency to turn to food to comfort and numb myself--or to "treat" myself. Sometimes I have gone to food just because I was angry with God and what I felt he "allowed" in my life. I feel that he shouldn't have "allowed" these things. I have gotten an attitude and developed a rebellious spirit--and a whole host of coping mechanisms for numbing myself to the pain of it all.

For example, my parents were far from what *I* would call ideal. But God ordained that they would be my parents. Because of the way they parented me and my fleshly responses to their sinful choices made while I was growing up--their sin toward one another, toward me, toward life generally--I grew up hiding behind food. I sneaked candy bars and cookies since my parents literally shoved food into my mouth and beat me if I didn't willingly chew it and swallow...and while I was gagging. (Do I really need to wonder why I can't swallow steamed broccoli today? My gag reflex seems autonomic!)

I brought my perception of my parents and all the coping behaviors I adopted growing up into my adult life (including my gag reflex over vegetables in any form other than salsa!). Result: Obesity for much of my adult life!

If I could stop thinking of myself as a "childhood victim" for just a moment, and consider that God ordained which parents would parent me (I am not saying he condones sin...I know this is a brain sprainer), if I just go out on a limb and embrace that God was sovereign in my past, then I can KNOW because he is not only sovereign, but completely holy and good, that he intended for something good and beautiful to come of my upbringing by that particular set of parents. Even the horrible things I experienced at their hand.

If I can really believe this, then I can then REST knowing that beauty was intended from the ashes of my childhood traumas. For instance, I am sure that apart from the way I was raised in major dysfunction, I wouldn't have been nearly so desperate for Christ when I gave my heart to Him at 15 years of age. The cross shows us that there is no suffering greater than the lengths to which God will go to win the human heart. In my case, it required childhood trauma.

Developing greater intimacy with him has required suffering in recent months. He wants my heart. He will stop at nothing to have it. All of it. Rather than just "allowing" these challenges, I am comforted that he has *ordained* them so that I will be his--totally.

Even now, if I put my childhood in the context of having been ordained by a loving, gracious, compassionate, sovereign God, I can stop striving, churning, and cease the rebellion. For me, in a nutshell, that means I will run to food less!

How about you? How would your eating/body issues be affected if the circumstances of your life that have led you to overeat were viewed in light of God's sovereignty--if you chose to really believe that he ordained them?

What it is ALL About

2011-04-21T07:39:00.000-07:00

With concern about your weight, your body, if you will ever be thin or have this overeating thing (or eating disorder) truly beaten, let's not forget that life is about something so much more. There is HEALING for us in this truth. No matter what you face right now--obesity-related health problems, stigma, woundings from those you love...even if you wonder if a spouse or family member would have treated you differently if only you had been a different size (this is a very real heartache for many of us)...or if your heart breaks wondering if you will ever even *be* married... if you wonder if you look "good enough" for someone to ever want to love...

The TRUTH is, to Jesus you are enough. To the God of this Universe you are worth everything.

Believe this and let it change your moment, your day...your everything. (Me, too.)

Eating and ::gasp:: Obedience!!!

2011-04-19T04:17:00.000-07:00

Someone on the SparkPeople Thin Within Spark Team asked about how to be obedient when you have a rebellious streak. I thought I would share here some thoughts about that.

If you are seeking to follow the 0 to 5 eating parameters that Thin Within espouses, to eat when you are hungry and stop when you are no longer hunger or are physically satisfied, then you may have discovered :-) that sometimes we are drawn to food for a million reasons other than physical hunger or need! Many of us have a conviction that God wants us to eat for physical hunger. Eating when we aren't physically hungry would be outside of his parameters for us. (I understand that a lot of people don't share that conviction. :-))

It boils down to the choice I will make, but here is what has helped me a BUNCH with this. Rather than looking at ALL the obedience this thing will take to do it "right," I ask the Lord to help me in *this* moment. THIS moment is the only one I can do anything about anyhow. Can I make a godly choice in *this* moment? Can I capture *this* moment for Him? TA-DAH! :-) There is one moment captured for the Lord! Ok, now, how about *this* one? Before I know it, I have a bunch of tiny little moments captured for him. One thing I have found is that if I can think of THIS moment ONLY, it really helps. Sometimes, if I capture a few of those for the Lord, the desire to eat when I am not hungry goes away completely!

The other thing that has made a huge difference for me is building a heart of gratitude. Let me explain...I know we hear this suggestion all the time, but it has (practically speaking) transformed my life and I believe it can transform *anyone* who struggles with obedience. What is DISobedience, after all? It is wanting something that is outside the Lord's will for me. If I practice gratitude for all of the many things that the Lord has given me and does give me, if I thank him "in the moment" for the portion allotted for me, for the wonderful way it tastes, the textures of His edible creations, as well as anything else I can think of ... if I journal this or even gratitude-blog it, before I know it, I have cultivated a heart that is like soil that isn't receptive to an "I want that forbidden thing" attitude or seed. It really works. I like to keep a running list so that in the moment when I want what I want :-/, I can open to my gratitude blog/journal/list and be reminded of all God has done for me. I pray thanks out loud to God for it all over again. It is amazing what happens--what changes in my heart.

I also like to keep a running list of God's attributes--you can do this, too. Each time you read God's Word, or the Thin Within book, or a praise song reminds you of a characteristic of God, jot down which characteristic of God it is or Name for God. Then, when you are struggling, choose to take a moment to praise Him for who he is. I believe he receives this praise with delight!

Yet another thing that has helped to nip a tendency toward spontaneous poor choices in the bud is for me to commit...yes, COMMIT...before I eat ANYthing...even when I am hungry and know it...to pause and be still for a specific amount of time. I will sit, for like 3 minutes (however God leads you), and ask... "How can I best glorify You, Lord, in this moment? Will eating physical food glorify You and make You known?" (See 1 Corinthians 10:31.) If I can honestly say yes, then I thankfully choose to eat with the direction of the Spirit. If I can't say yes, then I try to hold out a moment for another question: "What is really going on here, then, Lord?"

Our tendency to want to eat when we don't need food is rooted in something. I believe that God isn't after our thinness, but he is after our hearts. Whatever it is that motivates us, whatever it is that is beneath our love for food more than offering our hearts to him in praise, gratitude and sacrifice, is probably something worth investigating. He loves us and doesn't condemn us. But he *does* want to heal us! I hope that makes sense.

Praying for obedient choices, motivated by hearts of love, gratitude and praise for ALL of us!

Life in a Genesis 3 World

2011-04-18T04:47:00.000-07:00

Photo courtesy of Stock.xchng

My husband is traveling a lot this month and next. He said something intriguing to me today. He said that with all the traveling he is doing and how much he hates being away from home this much, that there is an awareness that God is Sovereign--even in this situation, with lots of traveling--and my husband finds rest in that fact.

Interesting. Especially given the things I have been pondering lately.

God is sovereign. Scripture (and at least one really awesome pastor that I admire and respect) teaches that God is Lord of All...EVERYTHING. Everything happens because He ordains it--not allows it like it is something He isn't happy about, but then acquiesces, saying: "Ok, I will give in...I guess I will permit that."

The fall in Genesis 3 didn't take God by surprise. He didn't just "allow" it. There were no "oopsie doo" mistakes. Maybe Genesis 3 happened because, well...it was supposed to.

Consider that we are often told in hymns and sermons that Jesus was slain for our sins before the foundation of the world. Have you ever wondered what that means? I think it may mean (at least in part) that God determined that redemption would be His primary plan--not His "backup" plan. He ordained we would live in a "Genesis 3 World," with all of it's so-called imperfections, sin, challenges--and might I be so bold as to say that he ordained this would happen even with an Enemy who would seek to steal, kill and destroy. He planned this for us so that we might choose *Him* in the midst of it all. That we might be conformed to the image of Christ as we walked the path of suffering. Our choosing him would be that much more glorious and beautiful. Our conformation to the image of Christ that much more amazing in light of the influences we would have pressing in on us. What a glorious thing for people who are assaulted by the reality of sin and grief to nevertheless reach for God in the midst of it all--to choose HIM even when it makes no earthly or common sense.

So what? LOL!

Well, in light of this, maybe I need to flow with Him and His purposes for ordaining this circumstance, situation--or just my life generally. Living in a Genesis 3 world is precisely how he expects me to be conformed to the image of Christ and to glorify Him. Am I striving against God and His purposes when I moan about what I want--the perfect world I hope to see? Maybe "fixing" things--even with a godly desire as my primary motivator--is really another way of rejecting God's ordained plan. I can't really fix anything anyhow.

If I consider this Genesis 3 world a God-ordained opportunity to be conformed to the image of Christ and to glorify God, if I consider my life as nothing if it isn't doing that, then contentment might follow. :-) Rest and peace might, too. Just as it does for my husband as he considers the reality of his travel schedule. Maybe a lot of the churning I experience is because I refuse to surrender to the God of Genesis 3--no, not to sin, but to the world that God has ordained.

I can hear some objections to this blog right now. To be honest, I can even verbalize objections myself. I am grappling with a lot of the implications of these things...I hope to unpack some of those things in the days ahead--especially as it relates to any way in which I try to exert "control" over my world. (Hint: This relates for many of us--including me--directly to food and body issues!)

What Does Your Heart Weigh?

2011-04-12T19:59:00.000-07:00

I am struggling. Not with the weight of my body.

No, I am struggling with the weight of my heart.

How about you? What does your heart weigh? Is it light and carefree? Is it burdened? Is it just sort of "holding its own?"

I am not really sure what to DO next, so I think I will just BE for a bit. Watch, wait. Rest. Breathe.

and...
   Quit
          trying
                             to
                                         fix
                                                     everything...

REAL

2011-04-05T12:51:00.000-07:00

How clever is my pride
How it deceives my mind
To think I'm in control
When I've really lost it all

How brilliant is my greed
For what it says I need
And then I've come to find I'm empty on the inside

Real
My heart is aching to be real
So I'm coming to you

With all of my broken motives
All of my selfish dreams
All of my foolishness
Now I understand where it leads
I want to be in Your love
I want to be so much more
I know You're reaching out
So what am I fighting You for
What am I fighting You for

How quick is my doubt
To leave my heart without
The presence of Your peace
So that I scarce believe

How battered is my guilt
To crush the life You've built
To keep me far away from any kind of change

Real
My heart is aching to be real
So I'm coming to you

With all of my broken motives
All of my selfish dreams
All of my foolishness
Now I understand where it leads
I want to be in Your love
I want to be so much more
I know You're reaching out
So what am I fighting You for
What am I fighting You for

'Cause only You can save me
And only You can change me
And only You can love me

Here I come, Here I come
So I come to You

With all of my broken motives
All of my selfish dreams
All of my foolishness
Now I understand what it means
I want to be in Your love
I want to be so much more
I know You're reaching out
So what am I fighting You for
What am I fighting You for

With all of my broken motives
All of my selfish dreams
All of my foolishness
Now I understand where it leads
I want to be in Your love
I want to be so much more
I know You're reaching out
I don't want to fight anymore
I don't want to fight

A Peculiar Obedience

2011-03-01T13:13:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been called to a peculiar obedience? To something that just doesn't make earthly sense, but you had little doubt it was something God wanted?

Now the gates of Jericho were securely barred because of the Israelites.

No one went out and no one came in.

Then the LORD said to Joshua,

“See, I have delivered Jericho into your hands,

along with its king and its fighting men...."

Joshua 6:1-2

I am not a part of any of the armed services. Never have been. But it seems to me that looking at Jericho "securely barred" would hardly be the time for the Lord to say, "See? I have delivered Jericho into your hands..." If I were Joshua or any of the Israelites at that moment, I would have said, "No, honestly, Lord, I don't 'see.'"

But have you ever been in a situation where you sensed that the Lord wanted you to believe him for a great victory? Where you knew in your heart--perhaps through a promise in the Scriptures or a godly friend's encouragement or the testimony of the Spirit within--that God is up to something? The reality of that wonderful "something" wasn't evident outwardly or visibly, but you had a confidence because at some level God had said "See? I have done it..."

What is it for you right now? Maybe it is that you will overcome some physical concerns--maybe this relates to your size for you. Or maybe you have an eating disorder and you KNOW that you will one day walk in freedom from it. Prayerfully consider what God is telling you is already done in His power.

I think I know what it is for me, but can I just be honest with you? A part of me is afraid to believe God because...well...what if I am wrong? What if it doesn't happen and I have believed that He was going to do it? I get concerned that my faith can't take a hit like that...so I end up refusing to believe God for the "really big" things. That preserves stunted faith. :-/

I wonder what would have happened if, instead of believing God and leading the Israelites to do likewise, Joshua had "covered for God." What if Joshua hadn't believed God when he said, "See? I have..." What if he had challenged God and said, "Nope. I don't see. Show us...."

Instead of the usual and perfectly predictable "frontal assault," God called the Israelites to do some pretty strange things:

"March around the city once with all the armed men.

Do this for six days.

Have seven priests carry trumpets of rams’ horns in front of the ark.

On the seventh day, march around the city seven times,

with the priests blowing the trumpets.

When you hear them sound a long blast on the trumpets,

have the whole army give a loud shout;

then the wall of the city will collapse

and the army will go up, everyone straight in.”

- Joshua 6: 3-5

What is up with that? Why the delay? Why the funky march each day for six days when God could have spoken the walls into dust? Why a shout and trumpets and all? I can just imagine being an Israelite warrior wondering, "And is that when I get to use my sword?" :-) Not this time. God called the warriors to leave their swords in their sheaths. Interesting...The walls were going to fall without them!

Are there walls that God is asking you to trust him about--walls between you and a loved one? Walls between a loved one and God? Walls between you and the Lord? Is he asking you to trust him that he will bring the walls down? Is he calling you to a peculiar sort of obedience in the meantime?

I am struggling with this a lot. There are walls between me and a loved one and between a loved one and God. In fact, a couple of loved ones. I really really want to believe God that he has won the victory and it is just a matter of time before I actually see it. Right now, though, he is calling me to a peculiar obedience, all right. He is calling me...of ALL things...to SHUT UP.

There is no nice way of putting this.

I am a woman of many words.

Words when I am joyful.

Words when I am sad.

Words when I am worried.

Words when I am thrilled.

The list goes on and on. In fact, someone I know and love and trust--a godly counselor--has exhorted me that I have trusted in my words as a functional messiah. YIKES! I think he has been right in many ways.

So, for now, I am supposed to do a silent march around "Jericho." I don't even get to blow the trumpet! :-)

God wants me to be quiet...and wait...and to believe HIM (not in my words or in my ability to persuade). I call this a peculiar obedience because I am just sure God could *use* my help! :-) I mean, when the fighting men were told they didn't get to use a sword, arrow or spear to bring the walls down, I wonder if they chafed a bit at the thought. What did they think about marching without using their weapons...the weapons that they were just positive were useful in a situation such as the very one in which they found themselves?

Well, you know the story.

When the trumpets sounded, the army shouted,

and at the sound of the trumpet, when the men gave a loud shout,

the wall collapsed; so everyone charged straight in,

and they took the city.

- Joshua 6:20

I wonder what the people of Israel thought about during those six days while they marched without seeing any obvious evidence that the city was going to be theirs? I wonder what they learned? Would the lessons have been learned if it had been 2 days instead of 6?

God is asking me if I will keep marching and keep focusing my eyes on what HE will do. The temptation is great for me to do what I have always trusted in...but this time I want to remain resolute to keep on marching--silently--trusting that God has given the city. It is a matter of time before I see it. HIS time--not mine.

How about you? Will you believe what God has said--that the walls will fall? Will you keep on marching and choose not to depend on what makes "sense," but trust, instead, that following through on a peculiar obedience really will be used of God for the deliverance HE has promised? :-)

Distorted Ideas of Who I Am?

2011-02-24T16:50:00.000-08:00

My "boyfriend" ;-) for the past 26 years grabbed a pair of jeans from the Eddie Bauer outlet store shelf...placed them in my arms with other clothes he had selected. With a glint in his eye, he challenged, "...and try these on, too. But let me see you when you get them on!"

Didn't my husband realize that these jeans--all of these clothes, in fact--were at least one full size smaller than any I have ever worn, even at my smallest? I have gotten XL shirts and tops for years. What was he doing handing me something with an "M" on it? And the jeans...didn't he "get" that I am so much bigger than that? Didn't he *see* that I wouldn't look right in jeans of that style and size? How embarrassing this was going to be!

I miraculously slipped into the jeans (I now understand why stretch jeans exist!) and a top that he had selected and self-consciously emerged from the fitting room. He ogled me, which was uncomfortable on the one hand, but marvelous on the other hand! He said something about my "figure" and wearing fabrics and sizes to "show it off." If his eyes hadn't been on *me*, I literally would have thought he was talking to someone else. What he said, based on what he supposedly *saw*, didn't match what I see when I look in the mirror. I wasn't sure *what* to make of his compliments, but I decided that since God had ordained my matrimonial match with this man, I would go ahead and roll with it--and, perhaps, even enjoy it!

We had an amazing afternoon of shopping, purchasing more clothes than I have at any one time in forever...but ALL items that hubby specifically liked. Hmm...I could get used to this. If I ask him if I can shop for clothes, he sort of hems and haws about the money thing. But this time, I had coyly asked him if he would go with me and pick out a couple of things he might like...I ended up with a new wardrobe! SUCCESS! :-)

When we got home, I made another appraisal of the things we had purchased--still surprised by the sizes and styles that he liked (are they making things bigger now? I have to think so!). I was struck by how differently my husband sees me than I see myself. I never would have guessed I was this wrong!

Months ago someone emailed me asking me to write a blog post about body distortion. I am not really sure I know what she meant, but I wonder if she meant that we sometimes think of ourselves differently than we *are*. I don't know that I will ever think of myself as a women's "M" - medium. I may always think of myself as a "large" woman...or Xtra Large...even XXL woman because I lived there so long. Based on what I discovered when I had hubby pick out clothes for me me...maybe my perception IS distorted. Maybe I am not seeing myself accurately.

Which makes me wonder about other things...How does Jesus see me? Do I see myself in a distorted way at a deeper level, too?

God made him who had no sin to be sin for us,

so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

- 2 Corinthians 5:21

Do I "get" that I am not the "size" or "shape" that I have assumed? I am no longer SIN. Christ has done it all. He has won! He took my sin upon him so that I might BECOME THE RIGHTEOUSNESS OF GOD! This is far more amazing than being a smaller size than I think. As great as that may be, to really grasp that what GOD says about me is TRUE--that I am the righteousness of Christ--this blows my mind. What if I were to *live* like I *believe* God about this? That I believe this to be true?

How about you? What would it make if you were to see yourself as God sees you--if you were to believe God? If you are in Christ, if you proclaim Him as your Savior and Lord, God says you *are* Christ's righteousness!

The Pain of "New Things"

2010-12-31T22:34:00.000-08:00

I used to love to go to Kentucky Fried Chicken for lunch or dinner. With my rather hefty appetite, they had a meal that I could put away easily. "Two piece chicken and a biscuit, all dark, extra crispy with fries instead of mashed potatoes." The extra crispy chicken recipe was incredibly yummy. Then, probably twenty years or so ago they changed it to a "new" crispy version. I haven't enjoyed their chicken much since. "New" wasn't better for me. In fact, I didn't know why they changed it as the old way was awesome! Maybe God was saving me (and my heart and arteries) from myself. ;-) I didn't eat it in moderation, certainly and that is not a problem any more!

So often, we prefer things the way they are. My husband and I tried a new Mexican restaurant last weekend and were disappointed. I remember saying to him when we got the bill, why try something different when the old tried and true is just fine?

I am so thankful that when the Lord chooses to do a new work in me, it is truly an improvement. It isn't for no reason. It is "improved" or "bigger and better." He seems to be in the business of new...quite frequently--even when I think things are "fine." Even when I think things are "godly" and good...even excellent and God-honoring just as they are.

If you have been a visitor at my blog very often, you know by now that the theme that reverberates through many of the pages here is that of a new thing:

¹⁸ “Forget the former things;
   do not dwell on the past.
¹⁹ See, I am doing a new thing!
   Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
   and streams in the wasteland.

Isaiah 43:18-19

This season of my life is filled with a major, MAJOR "new thing." I see now that I have been living with the illusion that things were "fine" as is. The old crispy seemed really good to me. It didn't need to change. Unlike changing the ingredients in a favorite menu item, however, there is a boat-load of pain associated with the changes God is bringing in my life right now. He has, as it were, pulled a veil back...a veil I didn't know was in place. In doing so, he has exposed the truth of my life--things that I thought were submitted to him, honoring to him, he has shown to be merely a veneer that has hidden the truth of what was beneath--things that had to be exposed.

I didn't hide or choose not to see truth intentionally. In fact, it is still hard to believe how clueless I have been. I walked with God daily, my prayer life had deepened, I was involved in ministry, and writing what promised to be a wonderful new book :-) with a favorite friend, author, and mentor, Judy Halliday. This all came to a screeching halt as God seemingly surreptitiously, yet with love, drew back the shroud that had kept me lulled into a sense of self-confidence. He has shown me now how desperately I need him and that there are so very many idols I have looked to for meaning and a sense of purpose and identity--even while I thought I was serving and honoring him.

The pain of this "new thing" is almost beyond my ability to withstand. In fact, apart from the promises of His Word and leaning on the presence of His Spirit, I crumble. He is calling me to a greater dying to myself, a higher dependence on Him in the moment. Nothing is safe from scrutiny. I no longer can assume anything. I no longer trust myself and my judgment. I must lean on him for EVERYTHING.

Whatever it is that God is doing, is like birthing twin bales of barbed wire. And there are no guarantees what will remain when all is said and done and this season is over. I have every confidence that God will be Lord in a way I never have yet known him.

&amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;gt;j;

Whatever He is doing inside of me, it looks like chaos, but somehow there's peace. This is true. He is doing a new thing. I anticipate that 2011 will be a year of much more change and transformation. I anticipate it with some level of fear, but also a sense of adventure. I know that His perfect love will cast out my fear and I will be left with something truly "new and improved."

How about you? What new thing is God up to in your life? Is He calling you to release something old to be able to make room to embrace what He intends to fill your arms, mind, heart?

But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ.

What is more, I consider everything a loss

because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord,

for whose sake I have lost all things.

I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ

and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law,

but that which is through faith inChrist—

the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith.

I want to know Christ—

yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings,

becoming like him in his death,

and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.

Philippians 3:7-11

Thin Within Christmas-time Tip

2010-12-21T14:49:00.000-08:00

My daughter and I have prepared a video for you. :-) Enjoy! ;-)

Weakness Beneath the Veneer of Strength

2010-12-17T19:31:00.000-08:00

Horses are amazing creatures. I have been blessed to get to live my childhood dream of having a horse--four times over. While I hope to find a good home for one or two of my horses, I love them deeply and God uses them to teach me things I might otherwise miss.

This week has been a bit rough. My special boy, Harley (pictured here), has been "colicky." For non-horse people when a horse is "colicky" it is different than it is with humans. It doesn't just mean uncomfortable and with a need to pass gas. It can be symptomatic of something going on in the gut that will cost the horse his life. Harley hasn't been eating much or digesting the food that he has been eating--he hasn't been drinking and could be dehydrated. He could end up with an impaction in his intestines. A horse's intestines can get twisted so easily...and before you know it, they can die.

It is odd really. Horses are used to convey images of strength, freedom, grace, power. Yet rather than being robust creatures, they are "frail" in some ways. They have specific nutritional needs, for instance. Even the way their hooves function--with tender, delicate tissue holding the hoof capsule and foot together--a connection that can be broken down with something as simple as too much sugar (grazing on spring grass, for instance)--betrays such tender balance between power and frailty.

As I have been on 24-hour alert for Harley this week, God has been whispering a deeper truth to my heart.

Lately, with the chaos in my life, I have grasped for control--of something, of anything. When things have "gone wonky" in the past, I have resorted to over-eating. Life is wonkier than it has been in my entire adult life and I am not turning to food to get me through. But instead, I have resorted to exercise. This may not sound "bad" or "wrong," but I am a former exercise-a-holic. This is the first time I have returned to regular, rigorous exercise since my former obsession years ago. I have hesitated to do so...for the very reasons that I are now smack in my face. I tend to focus on the veneer--the strength, the "thin-ness,"--the things that are "good." :-/ For three months now, I have been diligently, daily (even during my Disneyland trip) doing my "Turbofire" workouts.

This may sound so good...but don't be betrayed by the veneer. Beneath the surface is weakness...fear...all the things that made me want not to return to this kind of exercise. Now I am hooked all over again. Freedom that I had is gone. I feel like an alcoholic who has fallen off the wagon! :-( While I appreciate the strengthening of my physical body, it isn't worth the weakening of my spirit. I may appear "strong" on the outside, but I feel that, like horse, it wouldn't take much for my "gut to get twisted" and to die. Emotionally and spiritually, I have died inside a bit with the emergence of this new physical strength and the compromises that have led to it.

Thing is...I don't want to stop. I want to maintain the physical changes. In fact, I want more physical changes. :-/ I just want to be able to have my cake and eat it, too. I want to be really fit without my heart and mind being in spiritual and emotional bondage. Truth is, I am so incredibly weak emotionally. My biceps and abs may be stronger, leaner, firmer--they are only the veneer right now. Like Harley when he hasn't been eating right and drinking, the strength of my heart and mind have been compromised--they are weaker.

Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives’ tales;

rather, train yourself to be godly.

For physical training is of some value,

but godliness has value for all things,

holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.

- 1 Timothy 4:7,8

When I exercise, I get a false sense of control. I also enjoy the rush of endorphins which combats the melancholy that is biting at my heels. Exercise (firming muscle that is there) combined with imperfectly continuing to follow Thin Within principles has brought me back down to the size I was when I released all my weight previously with Thin Within (the Fall/Winter 2007). I don't have a scale and I don't know or care how much I weigh. I just pulled out my clothes from 2007 and am wearing them comfortably.

If I focus on size and appearance and functional strength, I can enjoy life a lot now in a way I couldn't before. I am fitter than I have been since my marathoning days. My husband seems pleased. ;-) I really LIKE being able to do things I can't when I am not fit. Being thin isn't being fit. I love sports and activities and my life is rather active. The working out I am doing is making it possible for me to do the things I enjoy more effectively.

At the same time, though, I am disappointed that I have been duped, that I have given in, compromised, allowed a worldly, fleshly mindset to take command.

And isn't that what we do? We tend to focus on the externals--people may be fit and thin and "gorgeous," but what it took/takes to get and stay there...may cost them so much more than what they get out of it.

I am hoping to find a place of moderation, that happy "both" place. I know that many people can be fit and exercise and not have it be a functional savior...that is my desire and my quest.

How about you? Do you have a veneer of strength? Is there a weakness beneath that veneer? What does the Lord call you to do about it?

Make Room For Jesus!

2010-12-16T21:33:00.000-08:00

Hi, everyone. I know it has been a while since I have checked in. I don't get writing time much any more, so I cheated and just recorded a video tonight.

I hope it encourages you. I would love to hear from you about it!

Rescued by the Community...

2010-11-20T04:25:00.000-08:00

As I watched this video, shared by friends on Facebook, I couldn't help but see myself as the baby elephant and my Christian brothers and sisters as the other elephants in this video. I have been surrounded and rescued...upheld, yes, even rebuked, but loved to safety. Thank you, my sisters and brothers. Thank you for your faithfulness, for your love, for your willingness to speak truth. I trust that you will see yourselves in this video...which, as a nature video is absolutely amazing. (I get blown away by this stuff as GOD CREATED ELEPHANTS to be SO AMAZING!!!!).

Is there anyone you know who is in need of rescuing? Can you offer a hand to be sure they don't sink in the mire and muck?

Perhaps, like me, you are the one in need of help. When we struggle, it is a temptation to isolate. What community can you turn to for support right now?

Romancing the Tenderness

2010-11-19T06:15:00.000-08:00

When it is tempting to get my eyes on people or circumstances, I am learning that I can either "go with the flow" (NOT a good idea) or "romance" a heart tender to the Lord--setting my sights on restoration, nurturing whatever it will take in my life to be at that place where I want the Lord...desperately, even if I don't feel that way now.

Practically, this means I don't let just anything have access to my affections. I am more prone to wander so far from the Lord. Some who know me may think mistakenly that daily quiet times are my habit because I am "so godly." Or that I set my timer on my watch to check in with God hourly (or more often) because I "love the Lord" so much. The truth is, I am so NOT godly. The truth is, I am so prone to love the things of this world that I have to do these things to survive without sinking into a horrific pit of sin and despair.

Knowing that about myself causes me to guard myself...even to the point that movies, books, magazines, music, and the company I choose to keep during this time simply must contribute to a godly mindset.

For example, while there may be nothing wrong with secular music for most people, *I* know where words bathing my mind can take me. Do I really want "Poor Poor Pitiful Me" (Linda Ronstadt in the 1970s) to be going through my head again and again, even during the night when my mind is idle? Or would I rather have something going through my head like what I woke up to this morning: "God has a perfect timing, God has a perfect plan, He's asking you to trust him, even when you don't understand. Our God is faithful, what he promises he will do, Our God is able, his truth will see us through..." (Thank you, Michele Wagner!)

Which do I want washing over my mind as I sleep (or don't), as I go through the day, as I interact with others, as I am faced with sadness or surprises or disappointments? It is clear that "Poor Poor Pitiful Me" is likely to resonate with me more, but what is TRUTH? I am a daughter of the King! I have an amazing inheritance kept for me in heaven! I am NOT poor or pitiful. God IS faithful!

I have to choose truth right now, even if it feels like a reach for me.

This is a time when even if I don't FEEL the truth of a song, I make it a prayer: "Lord, I want to see Your faithfulness afresh today. Help me to see with new eyes." Music is either an expression of praise for me or a prayer beseeching God to meet me and flood all my empty places. For me, music that can't be used this way is often detrimental to fixing my mind on truth--at least during a season like the one in which I currently find myself. This may not always be the case--and this is just a season right now, where I must be exceptionally cautious.

Further, right now I need to guard my heart from people who, in an effort to be supportive knowing my situation, will encourage an attitude of entitlement or "you have a *reason* to be mad!" I don't need help digging in my heels, "donkey-legging" or being prideful.

This is also a really good time for me to get to know God afresh. Who is He according to His Word? If I allow my *feelings* to define my God, I am, in effect, creating God in my own image. This is a temptation right now more than ever. Instead, I want an accurate view of God. I have to approach the Word *assuming* that I have a warped view of Him and invite His Spirit to give me fresh clarity--a view of what is *truth*.

It is so clear to me that my mind is the battlefield and if I don't guard it zealously and jealously, the enemy *will* invade it and/or my flesh will take command. So being paranoid, if anything, about what accesses my mind is vital to me. I would rather err on the side of caution than walk on in arrogance and in error.

It has also been helping me to pray verses that God has used to encourage me, putting many on a spiral bound set of index cards.

Even if God "disappoints me," I have to nurture an awareness of His presence. I *have* to because it is my life line. If I don't have Him to cling to, I may as well flush my life down the toilet. There, simply, is nothing I want to live for apart from God. No, not even my kids. They are human, too, and that means they can wound and disappoint. But when God is my all, when He is the only one that I pin my hope to, I have a better view of the things that people do that would otherwise disappoint or wound me. In other words, by fixing my eyes on God and allowing Him to orient my entire life, the rest is put in a better place, too.

Oh, goodness! Do you see what I mean? I have to romance the tenderness. I have to DO the things that will cause me to WANT the Lord and not my own way.

I have seen tangible benefits of doing this...enough so that it keeps me hanging in there. For instance, I have been surprisingly filled with gratitude for people in my life who God wants to use to refine me--the very same people who wound and disappoint! Apart from romancing the tender heart I *know* where I would go, instead--toward bitterness and resentment. If I let down my guard for even a moment, that is where I end up. Resentful. Filled with bitterness and maybe even hate. By romancing the tenderness, I have been able to see my own mistakes and foolishness and to ask others to forgive me for the things that have contributed to conflict. God is sanctifying...making holy through this process, but apart from romancing the tender heart, I would be in a very different place--defensive, much more arrogant, angry, totally depressed. Who wants to go there? I certainly don't. That is a pit that is hard to get out of.

This isn't easy, certainly. But God's Spirit enables. I personally would rather go the path of least resistance. But I refuse to stop fighting for what I know is truth. I refuse to give in. In fact, I am in all out rebellion against my flesh and my culture that says "If it feels good, do it." This does NOT "feel good." This is hard. But if I let go, if I allow the hardness to have its way with me, I will stop living--or I may as well.

How about you? Do you need to romance a tender heart? What would help you to practically do this?

Therefore we do not lose heart.

Though outwardly we are wasting away,

yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.

For our light and momentary troubles

are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen,

but on what is unseen,

since what is seen is temporary,

but what is unseen is eternal.

- 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Seeing My Way Clear

2010-11-11T21:08:00.000-08:00

God is faithful.

God is worthy of trust.

God is good.

God is love.

These are things that the LORD is reinforcing to me personally, uniquely, specially, during this season in my life.

Thank you for your prayers!

That has meant so much to me and continues to.

When my eyes are on man--instead of God--and man is frail and wounded and hurting, then my way is in a fog and seems so unclear. As the person dear to me goes through turmoil--one hour feeling good about things, the next as if they had fallen off a cliff--as long as I lean on them for strength, meaning, and identity, I find myself paralleling their journey. Like a dumb sheep, I follow them right off the cliff.

Depression is tricky. When you love a depressed person, your journey can become just as challenging as theirs. God intends to be our everything.

He is drawing my gaze more and more to his lovely, loving face. There, I find peace, solitude, even in the midst of challenges.

I want to encourage you...seek His face. Fix your eyes on Jesus. My life--your life--is now hidden with Christ in God...

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ,

set your hearts on things above,

where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.

Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.

For you died, and your life is now hidden

with Christ in God.

- Colossians 3:1-3

God Delights in Me? Wow!

2010-11-09T15:10:00.000-08:00

by Stan Kellner - Used with Permission

For the Lord your God is living among you.
      He is a mighty savior.
   He will take d elight in you with gladness.
      With his love, he will calm all your fears.^[a]
      He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.”

(Zephaniah 3:17)

(Typically in my blog posts I place a passage at the top for you to read in whatever version you prefer. In this case, I chose this passage from the New Living Translation. It speaks more clearly as to what I sense the intent of this passage is trying to communicate.)

This passage strikes me to the heart (in a good way). I, like many of you, want to love Jesus and grow in His love and grace everyday. There is a plethora of scriptures that encourage us to delight in God, to see Him as our “all in all”, to walk with Him through the eyes of faith, to fall in love with Him more and more each day.
Many years ago, however, I was deeply impacted by this passage in Zephaniah. In fact, I first heard it as a song, taught to us back in Bible College days, by an awesome worship leader and fellow student from Hutchinson, KS. Singing this passage not only made it easy to memorize but even 30 years later, I can readily recall the song to my mind and remind myself of a critically important truth –

GOD DELIGHTS IN ME!

The word “delights” can mean to exult which means to have exceeding joy or to be jubilant. God has exceeding joy over you and me; in fact, He is jubilant because of us.

Other parts of the Bible tell me that He loves me with an everlasting love; that He lavishes His love on me; I am His beloved because my life is hid with Christ in God. The list can literally go on and on.

During this recent chapter of my journey with God my desire, my focus, my passion has been and continues to be to honor God in all that I do, hear His voice more clearly, obey His will more readily and love Him more deeply.

But…today as I read this passage it was like God saying to me, “Stan, I love you My son and am greatly encouraged by your desire to honor and obey me during this challenging transition time in your life. But, I want you to know and understand something even beyond that. Stan, I delight in you. I rejoice over you. My love for you is SO deep.”

This sounds pretty basic and seems like a pretty simple truth portrayed in Zephaniah 3:17. But, if you are like me (and I know you are because we all live with the taint of Adam and Eve’s choices), you tend to be driven by pleasing God, doing things for God, taking actions that show forth His fruit in your life and well we should.
However, how long has it been since you just allowed the truth to soak deep into your heart and soul that God DELIGHTS in you and REJOICES over you, even to the point of singing.

I’m grappling with this truth even as I write this latest blog post. So, here’s a few points to ponder along with me, your fellow sojourner:

Do I really believe that God delights and rejoices over me through the power of His unconditional love?
How often am I guilty of doing things for God because I’m driven rather than drawn
How often do I feel His rest and peace in my life?
Am I willing to cease striving and allow God to hug me?
When was the last time I “sat in Jesus’ lap” and just rested against Him and chatted with Him or even just sat in silence?

I wonder what joyful song God is singing over you and me today?

-=-=-

Today's blog post is by a special guest. Stan Kellner's blog was referred to me by a friend. When I read his post, I knew I had to share it with you all. I hope you find it encouraging. Stan Kellner has been speaking for over thirty years on various subjects including the Jewish roots of our faith, evangelism, insights on Israel and practical insights for effective living. He grew up in a Conservative Jewish home on Boston’s North Shore and became a believer in Jesus as Messiah on September 23, 1973. Be sure to visit his website to find out more about Stan and resources he has available.

God is Faithful

2010-10-28T07:08:00.000-07:00

Steven Curtis Chapman and his family have been through a lot. God has used him to write about the darkness that can descend on a life--even in the life of someone who loves the Lord passionately and seeks to live for Him. Steven's fight of faith is chronicled in his songs from his "Beauty Will Rise" album. If you battle with depression or are in a season of suffering, I hope you will find encouragement from this song, Faithful, that is one of many on that album that can minister to a hurting heart. When I wasn't in this season, I didn't care for the album that much. Funny how being there causes songs that you didn't like before to minister to deep places within you instead.

I Will Love and Trust Him - No Matter What

2010-10-22T11:02:00.000-07:00

The Word of God and the God of the Word are the only things that will remain unchanged, even when the rest of the world is doing crazy things. Nothing else is reliable.

God could choose to keep us from pain, but the truth is, He doesn't. As long as we are in this world, we will experience pain. He has a purpose for it. As pithy as that may sound, there is something astonishing that happens when we choose to stop striving and surrender to Him, "Ok, Lord, you have chosen this pain for me for this moment in time. I know that it can't come to me unless it is your will. So I choose to cling to you through it and to allow the fires of testing and suffering to be used by Your hand for Your purposes."

I hope you are encouraged by this song. It is by Kerrie Roberts: "No Matter What."

Is This What Depression Feels Like?

2010-10-19T09:19:00.000-07:00

From a letter I wrote to a friend last night:

I don’t know what to do or say. Things change moment by moment. My hysteria one hour gives way to hope for a brief moment the next only to be overshadowed with overwhelming despair the next. Talking about it seems to capture in time moments that are so changeable. I am not trying to shut you out at all. I just don’t know what to do or say. God is using this time of suffering in our lives to show me so much of my own sin. It is horrible and tender all at once (mostly horrible). My sense of my own sin is overwhelming at times and then I find myself floored by his love for me again. Nevertheless, I feel like I am being sucked in to a vortex...it is like a maelstrom threatens to overtake me and has, in fact. Wednesday I was as low as I have ever been, as the blackness of another seeped into my own soul... Yesterday and today have been similar, only today has been pock-marked by strange manic episodes where I eagerly, energetically think I am making sense of something that I see now really can’t be pinned down. There are no diagrams or equations that can depict this.

I probably am not even making sense.
...

Late last night, after I wrote this, and again this morning, I sense to the depths of my soul a call to arms. This is not the time to allow my flesh to determine my choices. This is not the time to focus on "feeling." I CHOOSE not to allow my feeling to define what is FACT. I must cling to what I KNOW is true and what I KNOW is true is the Word of God and what God says to me in it. That is the only thing that will never change--that and the God of the Word. Those are the two things to which I choose to cling right now. They MUST determine my choices. All else is shifting sand, a vapor, a mist.

I will not pursue dreams. Instead, I will pursue the reality of my Living God who shows me the depths of His unending love for me at the cross. He chose suffering. He chose to take on the raunchiest of all sin and the shame that goes with it...he chose to be rejected by the Holy Father so that I will never have to be forsaken, so that I will never have to wonder about His love, so that I will be guaranteed the privilege of enjoying his presence for eternity.

I choose this day to serve God Almighty. I will not serve my vain imagination, my fleshly impulses that want to reach at even more trinkets to pacify me. I will not give in to impulses to surrender to what seems easy.

Instead, I choose to put on the full armor of God.

I choose the path of praise.

I choose gratitude.

I choose to fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of my faith who for the joy set before Him endured the cross and scorned its shame. That joy was the people he gave his body to redeem. To justify. To perfect.

Come, let us return to the LORD.
       He has torn us to pieces
       but he will heal us;
       he has injured us
       but he will bind up our wounds.

² After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will restore us,
that we may live in his presence.

³ Let us acknowledge the LORD;
       let us press on to acknowledge him.
       As surely as the sun rises,
       he will appear;
       he will come to us like the winter rains,
       like the spring rains that water the earth."

- Hosea 6:1-3

God has granted as a gift, this season of suffering. I will choose to embrace what he offers.

Though he slay me, yet will I trust him. This challenges me to my core as I would really rather he *did* choose to slay me.

Yet I know that sorrow lasts only for a night and I look forward to the joy that comes in the morning. Even now, as I anticipate the morning that WILL come, I can experience the joy in this moment that this knowledge brings.

As surely as the dawn comes, as surely as the rains come, HE will come. He will bring healing even though for now he has chosen to tear apart.

Thank you for your prayers.

Choice

2010-10-13T06:52:00.000-07:00

This morning my heart is heavy. It ebbs and flows during this season of suffering. I can choose to cry my way through the minutes and hours, or I can choose to focus on Jesus, the Author and Perfector of my faith. Right now, even as tears stream down my face, I know that I have a choice set before me. I can go inward into the pain I feel and focus on my disappointment, my pain, my heartache, my loss...Or, I can focus on my incredibly sufficient God who has promised never to leave or forsake me. This isn't denial, but it is, instead, bringing to him all the heartache and loss, even as it surfaces.

So, right now, I choose to turn to a place in my Thin Within workbook (inside the back cover) where I have been keeping my running list of God's attributes--what He is like and what He does for humans. I choose to use this list as a prayer to Him--right now--before my thoughts runaway with me and take me down an even darker path.

God, you are doing a new thing. I praise you. (Isaiah 43:18-19)
Lord, it blows me away that you desire intimacy with me. (Isaiah 40:12) Thank you.
I am your beloved, Oh, God. How precious is that to me right now to know that you love me so tenderly and so completely. How my heart needs to focus on that. (Jeremiah 31:3).
You draw me with loving-kindness. You will never reject my love for you or me. (Jeremiah 31:3)
Lord, you esteem me. (Psalm 5:3-8)
I thank you that it is your nature to love and that it gives you pleasure to do so. (Ephesians 1:5; Hebrews 12:2)
You are aware of my ever breath and thought (Psalm 139:1-5).
You work in me to do your good pleasure. (Philippians 2:13) Lord, I need that today because apart from that I know I will revert to trying to comfort my broken heart.
You draw me to yourself--you never push me away. You never tell me "Not now..." (John 6:44)
You pursue me.
You are my Maker. (Isaiah 54:5)
You are my Husband. (Isaiah 54:5)
You are Lord Almighty--there is no weakness in you. (Isaiah 54:5)
You are my God, "my Righteousness." (Jeremiah 23:6)
You speak. (Jeremiah 1:4)
Your love reaches to the heavens. (Psalm 36:5)
You are faithful...your faithfulness stretches to the skies. Even if everyone else I know abandons me, you won't. (Psalm 36:5,6)
Your unfailing love is priceless. (Psalm 36:7)
You invite me to take refuge in you. Oh, Lord, I choose that today. I need you to harbor me, to hold me close. I know apart from you, I will look to counterfeits. I am so very needy. I despise that neediness and the sinful ways I choose to stifle the cries of my aching heart. Thank you that you invite me close, even now. (Psalm 36:7)
Thank you that when I pray, you listen. Even now, you listen to my pleas, my cries. (Jeremiah 29:12)
You bring me OUT of captivity. Thank you for this promise. (Jeremiah 29:14)
You love me with an everlasting love and draw me closer with loving-kindness. (Jeremiah 31:3)
You are with me (Zephaniah 3:15)
You are mighty to save me, Lord. Please save me from myself today. (Zephaniah 3:12)
You take great delight in me even if no one else does. (Zephaniah 3:17)
You rejoice over me with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)
You dwell in me, Lord...You are ever and always with me. (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)
You will completely satisfy my longing. Nothing else will do. (Psalm 73:25-26)
You, Lord, are the strength of my heart, my portion forever. (Psalm 73:25-26)
You want me to know you better. (Ephesians 1:7-ff)
You are my shield. (Deuteronomy 33:29)
You are my helper. (Deut. 33:29)

Lord, I could continue, but I must move from this place of quiet and rest today. May I take these truths with me. Thank you that you travel with me. There is no place I can go that is outside of your presence (Psalm 139). Help me to fear God more than I fear man. Help me to esteem your love for me more than I esteem the praises and love of man. Amen.

Back in Kindergarten - Part 2

2010-10-11T04:45:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about Saturday's blog post.

Jesus loves me, this I know...

WHY do I "know" this?

...for the Bible tells me so.

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My emotions, the world, my experiences...they will all "tell" me things contrary to this truth--that Jesus doesn't love me, that He has forsaken or forgotten me. My experiences may tell me that He is remote and distant, unkind, unloving, UNinterested.

But the truth is...

Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so.

Sometimes, I have to just cling to what the Bible says:

Jesus will never leave me or forsake me. (Hebrews 13:5-6)
The Lord is my helper. (Hebrews 13:6)
Jesus in me is the hope of glory. (Colossians 1:27)
It is His nature to love and it gives Him pleasure to do so. (Ephesians 1:5; Hebrews 12:2)
He draws me to himself. (John 6:44)
He dwells in me and has purchased me to belong to Him. (1 Corinthians 6:19,20)
He is tender mercy. (Luke 1:78)
Jesus is, in very nature, God. (Philippians 2:5)
He saved me because of His mercy. (Titus 3:5)
He enabled me to see God as the Father of Compassion and the God of all Comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3)

...and this list could continue for quite some time...

Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.

I ask myself the same question I ask here: How might your life be impacted--your thinking and your actions be changed--if you were to base your feelings on the facts as presented in God's Word, the Bible, today?

I am Back In Kindergarten

2010-10-09T04:55:00.000-07:00

When everything is stripped away, when circumstances and people change and nothing seems reliable or dependable, it is then that I need to know who God is and what He is like. I need a rock to cling to--something, anything really, that is unchanging and unchangeable. God seems to be shifting, or so my senses tell me. When my experiences tell me that God is not reliable, then I have to take a step back. My experiences, my feelings--don't define fact. They don't even tell me the truth.

I feel like I am back in Kindergarten, singing "Jesus loves me this I know..."

Jesus.

There is no sweeter name. Truly. When I stop and consider ... why did Jesus come to earth? Why did he set aside the glory he had before the world began (see John 17)?

Simply, Jesus came to make God--the true God--known to us, to me. I need to return to Jesus.

No one has ever seen God, but God the One and Only,

who is at the Father's side, has made him known.

- John 1:18

Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father.

- John 14:9

The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being...

- Hebrews 1:3a

Image provided by istockphoto.com

I am in kindergarten again so I can get back to the foundation. My very "grown up" experience, my "adult" circumstances, and the storm I am in, have wreaked havoc with my view of God. Thankfully, in the midst of the storm, I hear Jesus' very human voice, urge me to come to Him, to focus on Him, to rest in Him, to gaze on Him...and to remember that when my circumstances and experience seem to indicate that God is vastly different than my (oh-so-carefully-crafted) theology says, that HE CAME SO I MAY KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT GOD. He came so I might know GOD--not just "about" God.

So, right now, I am casting off the assumptions created by my experiences lately. They have created a false god. An impotent god. A god who is a victim of the whims and choices of man.

Jesus shows me that this god created by the images of my experience is no god at all. He is a fraud.

"Jesus loves me this I know..."

Is your view of God in need of "re-educating?" Do you need to go back to Kindergarten, too?

How Could I Say No?

2010-10-07T03:59:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning and had a good time with the Lord before focusing my attention on a challenging physical workout. By 8:15am I headed to a nice, long, luxurious bath--which always seems to be where I am still enough long enough for God to really get through to me. I heard him as clearly as if it were an audible voice (it wasn't). Would I choose to forgive? Or will I only write about it?

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved,

clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances

you may have against one another.

Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

And over all these virtues put on love,

which binds them all together in perfect unity.

- Colossians 3:12-14

In all my years, I have had the challenge of forgiving many things, but never have I been in a situation where it is likely that I would be called to continue to forgive someone(s) who would continue in their behavior without repenting or even being sorry. This is a first. (I have led a charmed existence, I realize!) Forgiving everything else--even for things that have wounded me deeply--seems mild in comparison. There is something challenging to my core about choosing to forgive something/someone(s) that is/are likely to be ongoing. And to know that Jesus calls me to forgive not 7 times, but 70 times 7 (the equivalent of an infinite number of times).

But if I am to pursue Christ, if I am to live as He calls me to, I know that I am without an option here. To choose not to forgive--even in the midst of ongoing wrong--is not only to resign myself to a life of anger and bitterness, but to deny Christ what he requires--that I forgive just as in Christ God has forgiven me.

How have I been forgiven? Constantly, repeatedly, even when I haven't been sorry or truly repented. He paid for ALL my sin once for all. Not only that, but he has attributed righteousness to my account. This is unbelievable!

Look at these statements that come from Colossians 3:
1. I am chosen
2. I am a dearly loved child
3. I am wearing different clothing - that of compassion, kindness, gentleness, humility and patience
4. The Lord forgave me

When I am aware of my identity as a chosen, dearly loved child, when I have cast off the clothing of my past with sin, shame, and vengeance, when I wear, instead, the clothing of Christ, when I am in touch with my own identity as a forgiven child myself...wow. Then I can only follow the Lord in His example and choose to forgive as well. How could I say no to him?

There is a sense where this step of forgiveness is as letting the one doing the wrong "off the hook," but the truth is, what I am really doing is letting go of my "need" to control things. I am ultimately just prevailing upon God to take what is going on and to be God even in this. I am daring to believe that God will have his will and his way in me and in the one committing the wrong(s) and I believe, say, act: "It is well with my soul" and trust God that it will in actual FACT be "well with my soul." (Huh...imagine that!)

The pressure is off, though. I am free from having to be clever and witty enough to convince the other of their wrong. I just let God be God in it and let His Holy Spirit move in His way, in His time. It doesn't mean I don't speak the truth in love, but once spoken, I allow the Spirit to be the HOLY Spirit and I step aside. Sometimes, it is all too easy to try to be the Holy Spirit for another brother or sister in Christ. I have to have to have to let go of my longing to control my world and the people in it. They are not pawns for me to do with as I please.

I don't want to be hurt. And, certainly, there are times when godly boundaries must be established relative to repeat offenses. God alone can direct in each individual situation. Situations of physical abuse, for instance, or illegal activity--there is little question that these call for godly boundaries and quite probably getting out of the situation entirely (at least temporarily). There are still other situations in which the biblical mandate calls for bringing someone with me to lovingly confront the one sinning. If there is no repentance, then there are other steps that follow in succession, but even in these situations, we choose if we will forgive...or not.

In light of how great my sin has been and, even, continues to be today, how could I say no to the Lord when he asks me "Will you choose to forgive, child?"

Even as I stretched out against the jets in my tub this morning, the atmosphere muted by soft blue light and the sounds of nature music, with an act of my will I released my way -- I said "Yes, I choose to forgive," to the Lord...His peace descended and confirmed a thousand times over that what I chose in that moment of dying to myself was a gift--not to the one who needs forgiveness and doesn't yet accept that--but to me. It was a gift given to me. A gift paid for by Jesus. Yes, his forgiveness OF me is a gift to me, most certainly, but I don't think I ever realized just how much Him working in me to forgive another is a gift to me as well. I sensed shackles falling and my spirit rising. Truly, from the ashes I rise as I choose to forgive.

Practically speaking, I find myself not nearly so agitated, not wandering into the kitchen so often, not wanting something to numb my pain. Forgiveness really is the "magic bullet" for me in so many ways. I know that this process has only just begun during this season of my life, but I will choose to practice forgiveness again and again as often as I have opportunity. How could I say no?

How about you? Are you willing to let go and forgive...now?

Forgiveness Again

2010-10-05T23:04:00.000-07:00

Forgiveness is a powerful thing that has a tremendous influence on whether I will walk in victory in the area of food and eating.

When I don't keep short accounts by readily extending forgiveness to anyone who I perceive as having wronged me, I find that I am on edge, irritable and ready to eat at any given moment for any given reason! Maybe I am just nuts (probably), but for some reason, when I haven't forgiven even something as simple as a rude clerk at the grocery store, it sets me up for a fall relative to my godly food/eating boundaries. Perhaps it is because I learned to numb pain with food while still very young.

Many of us are in situations in which we have to choose to forgive even while the offender might yet continue to offend. For instance, if our parents are still alive and we have an ongoing relationship with them, we may have to face a disapproving spirit, knowing full well that they may never BE repentant, or truly change. They aren't sorry and may not even know they judge us so harshly. We get to choose to forgive even those who will continue to wound us, even those who are not repentant...

This is a challenge for me.

Yet my example is Christ. Jesus prayed to the Father: "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do" in Luke 23:34. He was willing to extend forgiveness to those who were being brutal to him, even while they chose to continue their sin. In fact, Romans 5:8 says that God demonstrates his love for us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for the ungodly. Christ chose to die for the very ones who wronged him. Not only did he forgive them and plead with the Father to forgive them, but he died so that this could happen.

In other words, there was no waiting for them to be repentant first. Christ forgave even as the wrong doers continued to do the wrong.

And he died by their hand even after he forgave them.

I am called to forgive--even those who will continue to wrong me. I don't wait for everything to be perfect before I forgive. If I am to follow Christ's example, I will forgive now. The offender may not know the difference or care, but it will radically affect me. It doesn't let them off the hook (Jesus' murderers had to answer for what they did), but it causes me to be freed from their control. *I* am the one who needs to forgive for *my* sake!

How about you? Can you relate? When you have built up accounts--haven't forgiven as readily as you should--do you find that it affects your behavior--your eating? Who do you need to forgive today?

Role Call - Workbook Study

2010-10-03T19:49:00.000-07:00

Hi, folks. Are any of you hanging in there with the Thin Within workbook study? I know I have been horribly flaky. I truly apologize. I will try to get my act together. I have been doing the study and showing up to lead my live group. Are any of you in a live group right now or leading one?

Remember, you can post here about any of the things God is teaching you. The God Is Doing A New Thing website has the assignment links posted, too. Please feel free to post to the Thin Within forums (the best choice) or here.

I hope to post assignment three this week.

Again, my apologies!

Thank you - Prayers and Forgiveness

2010-10-01T22:29:00.000-07:00

Many of you have emailed me or posted here (and on Facebook) that you are praying for our family. Thank you so much. God is answering. Today, I have experienced some hope. I know that the road ahead is likely yet to be long and filled with many challenges, but today has offered the first bit of tangible hope that I have seen. Thank you for your prayers.

God is showing me so much about myself. It is utterly painful. I wonder if maybe...well...if I hadn't been numbing myself for so many years with food or this or that or the other thing, if I wouldn't have heard him sooner...the convicting whisper of his Spirit.

I guess it doesn't matter. He is doing an overhaul in me now. It is so very hard, but I trust it is what is best.

Thank you so much for praying.

What's That Got do Do With Eating and Weight Loss?

2010-10-01T04:19:00.000-07:00

I imagine some have come to this blog recently wondering what on earth what I am blogging about has to do with eating, weight loss, Thin Within, and being my "natural God-given size" and yada yada! HA!

The answer is EVERYTHING.

My world is being rocked--flipped upside down. Things I have "known" are now changing at light speed. Have you ever felt that way?

Right now, my trust in the Lord is being challenged, by reliance on His goodness, and resting in His love for me. I know I will make it through because I know His Word is true. When I struggle to trust the Lord with family, friends, church, health or whatever it is, then it erodes my willingness to trust the body that he created. I begin to turn to old familiar coping mechanisms--which don't help me to cope at all!

When I am angry at God about what He has ordained, then I get a 'tude. A BIG 'tude (short for ATTItude!).

For a few weeks, I swung way over to the license side of the pendulum. Though I kept a steady rein on it so it didn't get too crazy, I was rebelling--even lashing out in anger (which has, honestly, intensified). I sought to comfort and numb myself with food. I feel like I have had enough with "surprises" from God. :-( I was mad at Him and demonstrated it by eating -- like a spoiled child. I continued to play tennis for the sheer joy (and escape) found in it.

Image provided by iStockPhoto.com

Now, I feel like I have swung way over on the other end of the pendulum--it doesn't feel like legalism (which is typically on the other side)...but then, legalism is really a buzz word for me right now. I think there is a boatload of denial going on for me.

"If I can't be in control of ______________,
one thing I know I *can* control
is my body, my size, my eating!"

That is when I don't eat (even when hungry) and when I start to exercise like a fiend. During the past week, as I have begun to release control that was never mine in the first place on things that aren't mine to control, I have begun to clamber to control that which I can...and that is...ME (supposedly). Well, since I am not doing a very good job controlling my emotions, I can control my body, right?

So, I am in a difficult place...a place that feels like a NEED right now. It is that place of relishing every chance I can to move my body and beat it into the ground, whether it be with a two-hour tennis workout in the 90 degree day (a ball machine at our club makes for a killer cardio workout! WOW!) or using TurboFire to kick my own rear. Truthfully, this has become increasingly a respite for me. I think I am ok right now, but I see the old temptations surfacing. You can escape by exercising every bit as much as you can by doing anything to excess. I wonder if I can learn moderation, even while being on this side of things.

The goal is, of course, to fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of my faith. I need to believe HIM, trust HIS character. CHOOSE Him. If I do that, I can exercise, eat appropriate amounts of food between 0 and 5, and allow him to refine me through this process.

If I strive with God about what He hopes to accomplish in this, I will continue to look for my identity in other things...in being "Thin Within Woman," or a "4.5 Tennis Player" (HA!) or whatever else I might look to for my identity.

I am His. He defines me. This isn't about my performance. This is about HIS performance. He has done it. I need to rest in that and trust that. I need to obey him as he leads me...what, when and why to eat, what, when and why to exercise...what, when and why to speak, clean, cook, teach, read, play, etc., etc.

All of this stuff I am going through is integrated. I can't separate my eating, exercising, perspective of my body from the rest of my life. How I perceive myself (something that is really being challenged right now because of the trials I am going through) drastically affects all of these things and so much more.

How about for you? Do you find this to be true? How so?

How Could This Be?

2010-09-29T22:41:00.000-07:00

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How can this possibly be God's will? How can the things that are good, godly, and incredible blessings, possibly be those things that God now calls me to lay down for him?

"How can this be what you want, Lord?

How can you call me to die to these very things

that your Word speaks of as worth fighting for?

Why do you call me to lay these things on the altar?

How could these things be "Isaac" for me?

Will you not bring the ram in the thicket?"

God did bring the ram in the thicket for Abraham, but he didn't for Jesus. Jesus called to God and no ram was to be found. In fact, Jesus was the ram.

Jesus' ministry was in it's "hey day." Lame walked, blind saw, demon-possessed were free. Had Jesus not been willing to hear and obey the Father's call to lay aside his earthly ministry, even though it was good, godly, "successful," and clearly reflected God's will, there would have been no cross.

God called Jesus to lay aside the excellent, beautiful ministry he had among people, and to venture down the Path of Suffering to the brutality of the cross. Humanly speaking, this didn't make sense. His disciples had expected that "things were just getting good," that they would now link arms with Jesus to usher in the dawn of a new age. An age of victory over Rome! Hail the conquering heroes!

But no.

God had different ideas. Somehow, the Father had in mind that the persecution of the Romans would not only continue, but it would intensify. God intended that Jesus would set aside the immeasurably good for something that appeared horrific--the cross.

If Jesus hadn't been willing, there would have been no cross, no redemption, no salvation. Had he clung to his ministry and said, "But look at this, Father! This is great! This is what you have always wanted on earth! This is a godly, pure, wonderful ministry that is making a difference! I will keep on doing this ministry since this MUST be what you want!" then all the people in all the world -- you and me -- would be doomed to hell.

I know that what is facing me is nowhere near so significant a calling as that to which Jesus was called. But I also know that the mandate is similar. He calls me to come and die. Die to all of the things that he has told me in all my years as a believer (32 of them now) are good, wonderful, godly things to fight for...he calls me to surrender them now...to die to these very things. To surrender to the brutality of a cross of sorts.

I don't get it.

But I know that is the call.

I am just not sure how I will manage it.

Well, I can "just" pray...

2010-09-28T07:26:00.000-07:00

"Is there anything I can do?"

"No, thanks, though."

"Well, I can just pray."

I am realizing the irony of this statement.

When I "just pray," something huge is taking place. When I "just" pray, in effect, I lay down my ability (or supposed ability) to be able to control people and situations. I turn my attention to the One who is sovereign and in complete control. I agree with him that there is nothing I can do to bring about godly, lasting change. When I "just pray," I choose to lay down my desire and intent to manipulate.

When we "just pray," we allow something huge to happen within us and maybe that is the point of whatever it is we are facing.

Conversely, when God calls us to let go of things--to quit insisting through clever sounding words or biblical advice and arguments--when we finally choose to acknowledge that we can't control this situation or this person, "all" that is left really, is prayer...and repentance (our own)...and rest.

Ironic, isn't it? When we lay it all down and feel like we are doing nothing but pray we are in the most powerful place...we are in a position where we can watch what God will do and take comfort in the fact that we don't have to make something happen. We don't have to be clever enough, articulate enough, even godly enough to bring about the change we want in others.

Image provided by stock.xchng

When I choose to lay it down, there is peace and rest.

This is what the Sovereign LORD,

the Holy One of Israel, says:

"In repentance and rest is your salvation,

in quietness and trust is your strength,

but you would have none of it.

- Isaiah 30:15

I don't want to strive with the Lord any more. I choose to repent of my attempts to manipulate--even for a "godly" outcome. The only way I can be quiet, at peace, and enjoy the rest he promises is if I lay it all down and "just" pray.

How about you? Is there something (or someone) you are trying to change? Even for a godly reason? Are you anxious about it? If so, will you join me in laying it down. Let's "just" pray...

Pursuing Godliness? Or Happiness?

2010-09-27T06:28:00.000-07:00

Photo provided by iStock.com

God has seen fit that this will be an extreeeeeeeme testing season for my family. I have never seen the fire turned up on us in quite this way and never seen so many of my own impurities surface. It is devastating to see just how ugly I can be (or is this only scraping the surface?! )!

Yesterday, I felt like I couldn't handle even one person at church asking me that dreaded question: "How are you?" I am honest. I can't handle saying "Fine" if I am not fine. Even if I am feeling a bit off, I don't like to say "Fine," let alone when I feel like my world is caving in...which I do...right now. (Note: If you are one of our church family, please know I love you dearly. Your hugs and prayers mean so much to us right now.)

So, I decided I was heading to an early service at a church some distance away.

You see, I had spent a very challenging night wrestling with God over big issues--over faithfulness (my imperfect perception of his as well as my own), forgiveness and my developing hatred toward other people (don't worry, if you are reading this blog, it is doubtful you are one of them!), to name just a few. Yes, it is true! And even these words seem to sanitize what was really going on during the middle of the night. I had it OUT with God and it is amazing to me that I wasn't given what I "deserve," all right. I demonstrated in the dark of night that I am totally worthy of hell--my heart is so black. And even now, as I consider what transpired, I see I yet cherish sin in my heart. Oh, there is SO much work to be done...so much purifying. Why He tolerates me is beyond me.

People ruin their lives by their own foolishness
and then are angry at the Lord.

Proverbs 16:3 (NLT)

Anyhow, with 100% attitude and 0% humility, I burst in on my family members' sleeping reverie at 6:30am and announced to them we were going to an 8:15am service 40 minutes away so they had 45 minutes to get ready. (What a treat to be greeted by a mom like that on a Sunday...sheesh!). We normally attend a service here in our town five minutes from our home that starts at 10:30am.

Sherwood Carthen was the special guest speaker and he delivered a message which God, in spite of my arrogance, used to slap me (lovingly) upside the head. The question that brought me to the end of myself was, simply, "What am I pursuing? Godliness? Or happiness?" (It is related to the question asked a couple of days ago and echoing in the empty corners of my mind ever since..."Is Jesus enough for me?")

In my anger and frustration with the trials I am currently facing, with my threats to God about how I intend on handling what he has ordained for me, it is clear that I feel happiness is not only my priority pursuit, but it is my RIGHT. This is defective. I know this. Even on a day when I am dim and lacking sleep I know this. But God somehow moved in and exposed just how selfish and superficial my insistence has been that I have things MY way. This simply isn't pursuing godliness. Not even close. Even when the things that I insist on seem good, godly, wonderful, biblical, and like God has given them to me. (OUCH!)

I was broad-sided -- if tears were equal to repentance (they aren't), then I would be in good shape for a 180 degree turn and transformational shift in my paradigm. I realize right now, so many hours after hearing the message, though, that I still have an attitude toward the Lord about the things that are going on in my life.I need to invite God to soften my heart and remove the calluses on my heart that are building by my rebellion.

What will I do with the message God personally made sure I heard this morning? I believe with all my heart that I am accountable for what I hear. Here is an outline of what Sherwood Carthen taught:

When Happiness is my Pursuit:

Anything is ok - there are no boundaries, no limits (this addresses things I dared to "threaten" God with during the night!)

It often ends in frustration and blame (I am blaming a whole bunch...when all else fails and no one else is around to blame, I have been blaming God...)

God is not the priority - This one is trickier because it sure seems like "I HAVE made you my priority, God!" But I think it comes back to that old thing of making God's gifts the priority. This can be subtle...very subtle. Even my "right" to a "quiet time"...that sounds so wonderful, but the fact is, quiet is a gift. A sense of His Presence is a gift, too. Do I esteem the Giver of the gift as much as the gift? If I don't feel Him, or the Word seems devoid of feeling, will I still trust He is here and that is precious enough? Or do I insist that He "behave" in a way that meets with my approval? Who is God here, after all?

When Godliness is the Pursuit:

The Spirit of the Living God changes the way you think - I really needed a change in my thinking in the wee hours of the morning...and I still need changes in my thinking...NOW. Pursuing godliness will ensure that I allow the HOLY Spirit access to my thoughts.

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world,

but let God transform you into a new person

by changing the way you think.

Then you will learn to know God’s will for you,

which is good and pleasing and perfect.

Romans 12:2 (NLT)

Training for godliness is a priority - recently, I have begun to give more attention to fitness. Not in an inappropriate way (yet), but in a way that I believe is best for me. I want to be stronger and have better cardiovascular health. Am I making my training in godliness the priority (at least) that I am my physical training? I don't just mean having a quiet time. But am I considering all of life--the moments that challenge me--an opportunity to train? I do this when someone does something that wounds me and choose what I will say or do in response. I have a chance then to "train" myself in godliness. Or do I "indulge" myself in doing whatever I want in those moments?

contentment is produced - this is a sweet promise, and absolutely true.

Therefore, the goal in this life:

...is NOT happiness. This is a no-brainer, really, but nevertheless, I realized as I listened that it was precisely what I had been insisting upon. I had elevated my happiness to the place of "idol."

...nor is it heaven (heaven is a promise for those who are in Christ).

...it is to BE LIKE GOD.

These points ALL spoke uniquely and personally to my personal "bullet points" laid out for God during the late night and early morning hours. In fact, God couldn't have responded more obviously to much of my tirade had he spoken audibly at the time.

How about you? Can you relate at all? Is happiness your primary pursuit like it has been mine? Have you found yourself frustrated and blaming others (or even, like me, blaming God)?

Let's allow God to change our focus and our priority. He will change our thinking and we will experience contentment.

In what ways might this impact your eating or your view of your body? I know it definitely impacts me in this way!

Question

2010-09-24T07:11:00.001-07:00

If all else were to be stripped away--even the good, the best, the beautiful, the holy--and I were to be left with nothing else, would Jesus be enough for me?

For you?

Crushed

2010-09-22T13:59:00.000-07:00

Note: This post isn't about Thin Within at all. At least not directly. I continue to have a great relationship with Thin Within and with the Hallidays.
=======
God is slaying me.

I remember as a kid, a saying that my mom would use, "Oh, he just slays me!" It typically meant that whoever it was made my mom laugh a lot or, at the very least, have a good time.

When I say "God is slaying me," I don't mean it that way at all.


Photo provided by istockphoto.com

I mean, he is killing me--my will, my affections, my desires, my longings, and many things that I thought were good and godly "things" that I have worked hard for almost all my adult life. I don't understand how a good God could possibly do what He is doing when the very things he demands be put on the altar seem to be the things that he has asked of me. They are the things that have come about as a result of suffering. Now, I must go through suffering as I release these things to him? What is THAT about?

Shall the pot say to the potter, why have you made me thus?

If I just go with it, will it be better? I mean, I really wonder if suffering isn't worse in some way, the more we cling to our "right" to go on without it, the more we insist that we deserve better, the more we insist, "But God, YOU said .....!!!" The more we claim that God's "goodness" and "kindness" all mean what *I* think they mean and not what He IS, the worse life seems to be. Frankly, his ways are terrifying. It is impossible for me to trust him when his ways are SO terrifying.

I am so tired of striving with God. He wants to slay me and the very things that I thought he had hewn into the stone of my life. He wants the work I thought he had done to be crushed. Is it possible that it wasn't him? How could that be? How could years have been spent building a life given to the Lord, only to have it be something that he now demands? Are the things he asked of me now dishonoring to him? Have I elevated the creatED to a place that is inappropriate? Is it an idol now?

I don't understand. I want to understand.

Though, simultaneously, I am amazed at my arrogance.

Is this what "dying to self" means? If so, then we need to quit using it as a Christian catch phrase for anything and everything. It is brutal, violent, and devastating.

So what is really so bad about being slain? About losing my way? About letting go? Once he crushes me nothing is left to cling to. Grapes are crushed for their juice. Will anything sweet come out of me once I am crushed?

Week 02 Assignment Thin Within WORKBOOK Study

2010-09-19T21:00:00.000-07:00

Hi! If you are happening by "late" and want to join in our study of the Thin Within workbook, but don't yet have a copy, you can place an order with Pam and Joe Donaldson. Just give a call to 877-729-8932 M-F, 9-5pm Eastern time and let them know you want the "Rebuilding God's Temple Workbook Kit #1." If you aren't sure what it is, visit this link to see a run down about it.

Leaders, my pdf notes for this first session of my group may be found at this link. Please email me if you want the Microsoft Word version to edit for your personal use. Are you using these notes? I would love to hear about it if so.

If you are participating with us, your "assignment" for this week is to:

1.) Do lesson 2 in the Workbook, reading all the material for Lesson 2 and completing the workbook exercises for week 2.

2.) As you read and study, please continue your lists: "What God is Like" and "What God Does." Use these to start your time each day with 5 minutes (or more) of praise. Thank God for His attributes and for the ways he interacts with humans. I often do this when I feel overwhelmed, down, or tempted. By recounting God's attributes and saying them out loud, there is something powerful that happens in me. Temptation doesn't quite have the power it otherwise would and I find my spirits are lifted. Whatever trials are harassing me get put in perspective in light of what an amazing God I have!

3.) Wait for 0 to eat physical food. Stop eating when you are physically satisfied. Ask the Lord to help you clarify physical satisfaction, if it seems unclear.

4.) Prayerfully evaluate if your use of the scale is in its proper place. Does the bathroom scale define what kind of day you have? What if you were to "fast" using the scale for a week? Does the thought bother you? Ask the Lord what he would have you to do about this. Some find it a very helpful tool. Others of us (including me) find that the scale is a tool of condemnation or pride. I can't seem to get my heart in a place to use it appropriately, so I got rid of mine!

5.) This week, please consider visiting us at the Thin Within Facebook page or Thin Within forums to get and give support to others!

6.) I hope you will come back to the blog tomorrow or Tuesday and read the devotional that I will post here. More, I hope you will respond. I know I haven't been "around" much. My family is going through a real challenging time and I am not online nearly so much, but I read every comment and respond when I can. I love it when I see you all interacting with one another. Please don't give up! :-)

7.) Feel free to comment here in response to any of the above. I would love to hear what God is doing in your lives!

I am praying for you all. Will you pray for me, too? :-)

God Is Doing a New Thing

Permission to be IMperfect!

Green Elephants

Asking the Right Questions...

Yesterday...

Gratitude Makes a Difference

Renew My Mind, Lord

Babysteps to Transformation

Hello, It's Me Again...TRUTH Inventory Time

How We Did It

Cleaning the Cup

Gear Up for the New Year!

Making it Through The Holidays - Repost from 2007

We Have His Power--He Gets the Glory!

Thanks Giving: A Sacrifice of Praise

Authentic Processing

Enough

Practicality of the Eternal Perspective

Embrace an ETERNAL Perspective

Three Phases of Thin Within - An Overview

MY Performance? Or Christ's?

Join us for an ONLINE Study!

Can I Talk You OUT of Being on a Diet--EVER again? :-)

"Junk" Food -- A MYTH? Part 3

"Junk" Food -- A MYTH? - Part 2

"Junk" Food -- A MYTH? - Part 1

Forgiveness in Process

More Lessons in the Corral

Trust the Process? But It FEELS Wrong!

A Tennis Lesson: What I BELIEVE Changes What I DO

Gluttony - Is it a Problem?

Call to Press On!

Failure? Or A Stepping Stone?

Thin Within - Worshipping God Through the Mundane

Want to Participate in an Online Thin Within Class? Now's Your Chance! :-D

As For *Me*...

Oh, To Love Him More!

Freezer Calling YOUR Name?

Failure? -- Struggling With Evening Eating

God's Sovereignty In My Past

What it is ALL About

Eating and ::gasp:: Obedience!!!

Life in a Genesis 3 World

What Does Your Heart Weigh?

REAL

A Peculiar Obedience

Distorted Ideas of Who I Am?

The Pain of "New Things"

Thin Within Christmas-time Tip

Weakness Beneath the Veneer of Strength

Make Room For Jesus!

Rescued by the Community...

Romancing the Tenderness

Seeing My Way Clear

God Delights in Me? Wow!

God is Faithful

I Will Love and Trust Him - No Matter What

Is This What Depression Feels Like?

Choice

Back in Kindergarten - Part 2

I am Back In Kindergarten

How Could I Say No?

Forgiveness Again

Role Call - Workbook Study

Thank you - Prayers and Forgiveness

What's That Got do Do With Eating and Weight Loss?

How Could This Be?

Well, I can "just" pray...

Pursuing Godliness? Or Happiness?

Question

Crushed

Week 02 Assignment Thin Within WORKBOOK Study

As For Me...